spoOky

Let me tell you something I've learned in my time here.
Just because you can't see or hear something doesn't mean it isn't there,
and just because you don't believe something doesn't mean it's not true.
Maybe you're the one who needs to open their eyes and to really listen,
to open your heart and just believe.
It's no reason to condemn those of us that can see and hear those things.
Just because people are different does not mean that they are worthless or less human.
Sometimes those of us that appear to be the most insane are in reality,
the most balanced.
-ficlet by spOOks!

happiness

Happiness is a strange thing.
Even when at its peak,
it cannot completely banish that evil little voice telling you not to get used to it,
that the threat of loss and emptiness lurks behind every waking moment.
Happiness is a fickle thing,
it can disappear in an instant.
And when something happens to shatter it,
that little voice declares its triumph.
-spooks

antithesis

There is no such thing as Death.
Life is just a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.
~*~*~*~
Life and Death.
Light and Darkness.
White and Black.
Good and Bad.
Angels and Demons.
Jesus and Satan.
Hot and Cold.
Fire and Water.
Everything has an antithesis of itself but
even though they are opposites they will always be found side by side.
Attraction.

-sekra

hN

okay. since there's nothing to type for such loongg time here, daA! boring saturday schedule.
-wake up at unknown time and go back to the dreamland. -wake up next at 2p.m. -go online, check mails, check website updates. -start bt download of one piece -neko called -listen to music and sigh~ -play runescape and search for fics to read -groans and check website updates again -watch videos and anime openings -lounge around the computer data -watch one piece and check bt downloads -play RS -off computer and back to room -read the new thick ghost storybook -neko called -start treading around the house -go back to reading -starts suffocating face in the pillow -making funny noises -goes back to reading -funny smells invading in home, goes to wash hair -watches fire engine and the bus which caught fire apparantly -calls neko -reading a mini book -neko called -trampling around with the phone -flops back on bed and read again -read literature work, try to do chinese work.. -starts daydreaming -goes back to reading -starts mind rpg with self -stares at ear in the mirror -walks back and forth in room -daydream and shuffles items -go online again -tries playing runescape -tries eating dinner -start downloading one piece bt -check website updates and mail -lounge around and look for fics -listen to music -battling with dinner -walks to kitchen and back a few times -stares at chocolate biscuit in fridge -takes it out, close the fridge.. open the fridge and place it back in -opens fridge, takes a weird candy -munching -looking for fics again -trying to re-read fics -still listening to music -send msg to hana -waits and surf the net -go to hana's blog -goes to blogger -typing rubbish
-end transmission-

bOred...

>o< I; donut; orphan; innocence; prince; remember; seme; AM; trowa; road; usual; inner; inheritance; reflection; limit; thieves; ...; tourniquet; enemies; here; popular; trust; excuses; GENERATING; beyond; terrorment; blackout; shadow; free; freefall; afterward; cross; runs; smile; life; A; cinderella; prom; slavery; friends; fall; asylum; anew; WHOLE; human; mission; passion; welcome; football; fate; burn; warriors; LOT; minuet; faith; tears; breaking; 'UF; genie; promises; not; neighbour; bumblebee; maxwell; curses; times; faces; paw; fairytale; raven; RANDOM; nowhere; halfway; matter; stone; koibito; returns; WORDS >o<

radical dreamers

Chrono Chross
Song: Radical Dreamers
Artist: Noriko Mitose

Romanji:
Osanai te ni tsutsunda
furueteru sono hikari wo
Kokomade tadottekita
jikan no fuchi wo samayoi

Sagashi tzuzukete kitayo
namae sae shiranaikeredo
Tada hitotsu no omoi wo
anata ni tewatashitakute

Toki wa ai mo itami mo
fukaku dakitome
Keshite yukukedo watashi wa
oboeteiru
Zutto...

Watashi no mune no oku ni
itsukaraka hibiite ita...
Yotsuyu no shizuku yori mo
kasukana sasayakidakedo

Itetsuku hoshi no yami e
tsumugu inori ga
Tooi anata no sora ni
todoku you ni...

English:
Held in young hands
The light is shivering.
I've come all this way
Wandering along the edges of time.

I came, searching still
Without even knowing your name, but
One little feeling
I only wanted to hand over to you

Sometimes I catch and hold
love and pain, tightly in my arms.
It will fade away, but
I will remember it... Always....

It has been echoing in my chest
For who knows how long.
Although it's a whisper tinier
Than a drop of the evening fog.

Towards the darkness of the frozen stars
A spinning prayer
May it reach your distant sky....

Thank You

Second Ending: Thank you
Artist: HOMEMADE

# itsumo sasaetekureru hitotachi ni
higoro no omoi wo kometa RHAPSODY
APPRECIATION na kimochi yo todoke
itsumo arigatou honto arigatou
tatoe doko ni itatte kimi no sonzai ni kanshashiteru yo

tasogare no machi ga akaku somaru koro
nanigenaku michi wo aruiteita
ikikau hito no mure ga masu gogo
nantonaku tachidomattemita

potsuri to aita kokoro no sukima
umeruyouni ugoita keitai no mana-
kimi wa hitori ja nai hora mina
tagai ni sasaeatteku no sa

fuantei na mirai ga kowakute
yandeita boku ni mukatte
nani mo iwazu ni sotto te wo
sashinobetekureru kimi ga ita

kanashimi ga hanbun ni natta
yorokobi wa nibai ni fukuranda
gyaku no tachiba ni nattra sugusama
soba made kaketsukeru to chikatta

REPEAT #

FAR AWAY FAR AWAY
tooku hanareteitemo nagareru toki no naka de
tomo ni sugoshita hibi no kioku wa
keshite kierukoto wa nai no sa
nakama ya kazoku ya koibito soshite deatta subete no hitobito
arigatou mina no okage de
mata asu kara chikarazuyoku fumidaseru

hito wa dare mo hitori de wa ikiteikeya shinai
tagai wa tagai wo itsumo keyashiai
igai dekinai toki wa hanashiai
harakakaeru kurai waraiaitai
nanoni naze kou toki ni kenashiai
kizutsukiauno tte ki gashinai
bakabakashii kurai kimi ga suki da
terekusai kedo chotto honki da

REPEAT #

kitto minna igai to shai de men to mukatte
nakanaka kuchi ni dashite ienakute
dakedo honto wa iitai kuse ni
nanik ga jama shite mina tsuyogatte
toki ni sarakedashite tsutaeyou
kotoba ni wa fushigi na chikara ga yadoru yo
kantan na koto sa jibun kara mazu hajimeyou
kitto dekiru yo

furimukeba I WOULD BE THERE
JUST FOREVER kimi ga itekureta you ni
furimukeba I WOULD BE THERE
JUST FOREVER kimi ga itekureta you ni

REPEAT #

REPEAT #

__

"If you can't cry.. I will cry for you..."
"...When I am not around, let the rain cry for you"
-lifted from hana's writings!

animE quotes

XD lalallaa~
"You're thinking in Japanese! If you must think, do it in German!" - Asuka Langley Soryu (Evangelion)
"Stop making me repeat myself! Its bad for my health!" - Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)
"Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?" -Lina Inverse (Slayers)
"And what's the real lesson? Don't leave things in the fridge." - Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop)
*bursts into tears* "I can't talk about it! It's so horrible! They were-- they were-- the milk! Oh God, the milk!" - Ken Hidaka (Wiess Kreuz)
"Man fears the darkness, and so he scrapes away at the edges of it with fire." - Rei Ayanami (Neon Genesis Evangelion)
"The boy's screams excited me far more than yours." - Tomo (Fushigi Yuugi)

bleach

"If I were the rain...
...that binds together the earth and sky, who in all eternity will never mingle...
...would I be able to bind the hearts of people together?"
-09'16:55

sparknotes III

Cluster C
Avoidant Personality Disorder
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by social discomfort, fear of negative evaluations, and timidity. Individuals suffering from this disorder tend to be socially isolated; although they desire acceptance from others, they are hurt by even minimal signs of disapproval, and therefore attempt to avoid social situations entirely. The disorder is different from social phobias and agoraphobia in that whereas social phobias focus on anxiety in certain performance situations in which there will be evaluation, and agoraphobia involves fear of being in public places from which there is no likelihood of escape, avoidant personality disorder concerns the fear of not having any friends. Individuals in this category tend not to have a strong interest in engaging in social interactions, which then is detrimental to forming and maintaining friendships. The prevalence rate ranges from .5 to 1 percent, and this disorder is highly comorbid with borderline personality disorder. Research concerning **etiology indicates that individuals who had parents who were not supportive and affectionate are at a greater risk for developing this disorder than other individuals in the general population.

Dependent Personality
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a pattern of dependent and submissive behavior. It is highly comorbid with borderline and avoidant personality disorders, with a prevalence rate of 1.7 percent. Etiological considerations focus on attachment issues, indicating that individuals who had gross problematic attachment relationships with their parents or overly-protective or authoritarian parents are at a higher risk for developing the disorder than other individuals. Often, individuals suffering from dependent personality disorder enter treatment for another primary disorder and therefore, medication, when it is used, is usually attempting to treat those comorbid axis I disorders. Psychodynamic therapists attempt to help the individual recognize his or her dependent behavior and its negative impact. Behavior and interpersonal therapists attempt to help these individuals increase their assertive communication skills. Finally, cognitive therapy, which has been proven somewhat helpful, attempts not only to better the individual's problem-solving and decision-making skills to enable them to assert greater independence, but also to address irrational fears about the potential consequences of greater independence.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) characterizes individuals who are inflexible and strive for perfectionism. These individuals tend be preoccupied with rules and efficiency and are excessively conscientious, moralistic, and judgmental. They also usually need to have orderliness and strict control of situations. The prevalence rate is about 1 percent of the population. OCPD is highly comorbid with avoidant personality disorder. Etiological considerations have found that the risk for developing OCPD correlates highly with an individual's rating on the conscientiousness factor scale of the Big Five theory of personality. Yet, like most personality disorders, OCPD is ego-syntonic; these individuals do not see there behavior as a problem.

sparknotes II

Cluster B
Antisocial Personality Disorder
Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) is characterized by a persistent disregard for, and frequent violation of, other people's rights. The prevalence rate is 3 percent in males and only 1 percent in females. The disorder does seem to dissipate or burnout after the age of forty, which could be associated with hormonal changes at that age. ASPD is mostly comorbid with narcissistic personality disorder. Most etiology paradigms seem to imply a high interaction between the environment and genes for this disorder. Empirical evidence using adoption studies has found that regardless of genes, if an individual is raised in a highly stressful environment, he or she is still at great risk of developing ASPD. Neurobiological factors that may contribute to the onset and maintenance of this disorder are a weak behavioral inhibition system and an overactive reward system. The behavioral inhibition system is responsible for stopping behavior that may incur punishment. Psychopaths (people diagnosed with ASPD) tend to exhibit a type of habituation to punishment, wherein their physiological reaction to punishment is very weak. Psychopaths may also possess an overactive reward system wherein once there has been some reward in sight; even if the situation changes, they are unable to move away from the established goal. Individuals with antisocial personality rarely seek professional help, and unfortunately, no form of treatment has been effective in treating this disorder.

Borderline Personality Disorder
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by marked impulsiveness and instability in mood, self-image, and interpersonal relationships. Manifestations of this disorder include frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined threats of abandonment, with opinions of significant others fluctuating between unrealistic positive and negative extremes. Individuals in this category tend to engage in para-suicidal behaviors such as cutting themselves. The hypothesis to explain these behaviors is that these types of acts help to break feelings of dissociation that these individuals usually experience. There are also high rates of suicide attempts in this category. The prevalence rate of borderline personality disorder is about 2 percent and 75 percent of the cases involve women. If the individual lines into his or her thirties, the symptoms tend to diminish, but about 60 percent of these individuals end their life in suicide. Borderline personality disorder is highly comorbid with histrionic and avoidant personality disorders. The disorder is called "borderline" because individuals in this category tend to be on the borderline between psychotic and neurotic disorders.

Family studies indicate that there may be a possible link between borderline personality disorder and mood disorders. There are also very high report rates of incidence of childhood physical and sexual abuse among people with this disorder, suggesting a possible specific link between these two factors. Although no disorder-specific drug has yet been found, a broad range of psychoactive drugs, ranging from antipsychotics and antidepressants to lithium and anticonvulsants, have been proven effective forms of treatment. Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has also been shown to be a promising treatment of borderline individuals. In this form of therapy, traditional behavioral and cognitive techniques such as problem- solving and skills training are used to maintain working interpersonal relationships and cope with stress, while the therapist concentrates on accepting the contradictory, demanding, and manipulative behaviors of the patient.

Histrionic Personality Disorder
Histrionic personality disorder is characterized by excessive emotionality, overreaction to everything, and attention-seeking behavior. Individuals with this disorder are self-centered, vain, and demanding, and possess shallow emotions that fluctuate rapidly. The prevalence rate ranges from 2 to 3 percent and is higher in divorced or separated individuals. The disorder, which follows a chronic course, is highly comorbid with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. One etiological explanation for this disorder comes from the psychoanalytic theory of parental seductiveness. Basically, this theory states that individuals who exhibit histrionic personality disorder had parents who chastised them for sexual behavior, while actually encouraging it at the same time. This led to conflicting signs concerning sexual indulgence, and subsequently to over- theatrical performances. Proof for this theory comes from the fact that the characteristic of emotional overreaction usually tends to have a sexual element or suggestion.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a grandiose view of self and an inability to empathize with others, for these individuals are preoccupied with their own achievements and abilities. This disorder is not chronic, and usually remits with time. Narcissistic personality disorder has a prevalence rate of about 1 percent. It is highly comorbid with histrionic and borderline personality disorders. One etiological explanation of this disorder can be found in the psychoanalytical area, which says that individuals suffering from narcissistic personality disorder tend to have a bi-polarity in their view of self, existing between two extremes: there is an idealized or over-idealized view of self, but this is combined with deep feelings of inferiority and low self-esteem. The grandiose image, then, is an attempt to cover feelings of inferiority. According to the proponents of this theory, since these individuals did not receive much encouragement and support from their parents during childhood, they tend to internalize the process by looking for these feelings within themselves.

sparknotes!

Cluster A
Paranoid Personality Disorder
Paranoid personality disorder is marked by suspicion of other people's motives and intents. Individuals with paranoid personality disorder expect that other people are trying to harm them and take excessive precautions to avoid exploitation or injury. The prevalence rate for this type of disorder is between .5 and 2.5 percent. It is most frequently comorbid with borderline and avoidant personality disorders. Evidence indicates that paranoid personality disorders are most common among relatives of individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia; therefore, these individuals may be inheriting a strong genetic liability for developing some type of mental disorder. Another conclusion could be that the parents of the individual may somehow verbally or non-verbally communicate that other people should not be trusted. Some social factors associated with increased risk for this disorder are hearing impairments, and if an individual is a refugee, both factors which are thought likely to engender mistrust toward others.

Schizoid Personality
Disorder Schizoid personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive indifference to other people, coupled with a diminished range of emotional expression. These individuals are detached from social relationships in that they prefer social isolation to spending time with friends or family. The prevalence rate for this disorder is about .7 percent. It is most comorbid with avoidant personality disorder and there is not much information concerning its course, outcome, or etiology.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder
Schizotypal personality disorder (SPD), considered by many as part of the schizophrenic spectrum, is characterized by discomfort with other people, peculiar patterns of thinking and behavior, and eccentric behavior. These may take the form of cognitive or perceptual disturbances. Yet, unlike schizophrenia, these psychotic symptoms are not as fully developed as delusions or hallucinations but instead can be characterized as perceptual allusions. The prevalence rate of SPD is about 3 percent. This disorder follows a chronic course, except for those individuals who go on to develop schizophrenia. It is mostly comorbid with paranoid and avoidant personality disorders.

Family, twin, and adoption studies all show an increased risk for developing schizotypal personality disorders amongst those individuals with a family history of schizophrenia. Some psychologists believe therefore, that there is a strong genetic diathesis for developing schizophrenia, yet in the absence of full-blown stressors, or triggers, the disorder takes the alternate form of schizotypal personality disorder. Proof for this comes from studies wherein pregnant women exposed to influenza epidemics gave birth to children with a higher risk of developing the disorder, indicatiing similar biological causes for schizophrenia and SPD. Furthermore, one Danish-American study found that children of schizophrenics not raised in schizophrenic households not only seemed to exhibit increased vulnerability towards developing schizophrenia, but also tended to inherit a cluster of symptoms that can only be defined as "strangeness". Ingraham defined these "strange," heritable features as suspicion, flat affect, and social withdrawal. Again, these studies serve as proof that schizophrenia and SPD may simply be different phenotypic expressions of the same genotype, and environmental factors then determine which one will manifest itself.

Further proof of this theory can be seen in such bio-behavioral markers as eye movement and skin conductance orienting response (SCOR). Empirical studies have found that individuals with SPD also have problems with eye tracking movements, just to a lesser degree than people with schizophrenia. Interestingly, certain things such as cognitive perceptual aberrations are also associated with eye tracking disorders. SCOR studies indicate that during the study, while "normal" people exhibit increases in electrical activity, a type of physiological change that occurs in the skin when a stimulus is changed, individuals with schizophrenia and SPD do not exhibit this selective criterion. This has led many researchers to believe that individuals with SPD may have problems with selective attention and that they may not be tuned to emotionally relevant stimuli.

Researchers have also found a positive correlation between HVA (a metabolite, or waste product of dopamine) levels and the psychotic symptoms associated with SPD. A final biological cause of SPD may come from looking at the HPA, or the hypothylamic-pituitary axis, which serves as a hormone relay station and thus plays an important role in maintaining stress levels. In individuals with SPD, HPA activity has been found to correlate positively with levels of anhedonia and social withdrawal.

Psychological and cognitive explanations of SPD focus on attentional and informational processing deficits. Researchers in this area have found that individuals with SPD perform poorly on continuous performance tasks, which assess one's ability to maintain attention on one object and measures the ability to selectively look at new stimuli, and therefore requires both vigilance and selective attention. SPD individuals also tend to perform very poorly on tasks consisting of emotionally-valenced words, indicating that they may possess a cognitive bias towards neutral words.

Two psychoanalytic theories have been offered to explain SPD. The first one concerns the concept of ego boundaries. ("Ego- psychologists" place a stronger component of the decision-making process on the ego.) For SPD individuals, then, there is conflict, or dysfunction between the outside and the inside world for the ego, thus leading to ego boundary problems. The second psychoanalytic theory stresses interaction with others, stating that SPD individuals existed in a state of high parental communication deviance. Evidence to support this theory comes from the TAT (thematic apperception test), which showed that parents of SPD patients tended to have strange communication problems and loose associations with words, regardless of whether or not they themselves had been diagnosed with schizophrenia or SPD. The higher their parents were in communication deviance, the worst the individual's symptoms and the more chronic the course of their disorder.

Medication such as traditional atypical neurolepticsand SSRIs have been effective in helping individuals with this disorder, but not to the same extent that they have helped individuals with schizophrenia (another indication of etiological differences between the two disorders). Psychological interventions usually involve attempting to change family dynamics and lower the rates of "expressed emotion" in the family, since studies have shown that high expressed emotion is positively correlated with rates of relapse. Psychoanalytic intervention focuses on defining ego boundaries. Cognitive behavioral therapy also yields effective results in that it not only attempts to help the individual to interpret and make sense of odd beliefs, but also teaches them valuable coping and interpersonal skills.

disorder II

HAH! Evilness! O.o *coughs*
DisorderRating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Very High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

Personality Disorder Test - Take It!