..muse..

can't everyone disappear, it's irritating to see them. maybe it's better if i disppear instead. so.. why are they irritating.. why, do they always sit there, and do nothing. Why.. must they be able to see me, what i'm doing and all. If i would close my eyes and pretend never to see, would it be better.. but it's still there. If they're going to be there, to sit there always.. why don't they do something, do something? but.. why must they do anything at all. I don't even want them to do anything.. saa.. no one does anything anyway, not even myself. everyone's just going by.. if i don't want to see something, does it go away? why doesn't it go away.. well.. nothing does. everything just stay, and they grow. and they grow and grow and grow a.... i don't think i'm going to do anything. i don't think i can, don't think i want to.. if everything goes my way, would it be enough? enough.. not a word to use.. i don't think anything will be enough for the selfish mind. selfish, so selfish that nothing is ever enough. maybe i should learn to appreciate. ahh.. appreciate.. but what to? what to believe.. which one to trust.. which one to appreciate? if i would to kill now, can i take back previous? it goes on.. can't i believe the end.. the future? but future is decided by now.. i don't want to take now. i don't want to take past.. why can't i take previous. what is previous? previous is.. many times.. very short.. but many times. what is past.. past is.. i don't know. they are always.. they are long, they are.. always always. what is the future? what is the end? the end is.. well.. just the last of something. so, what do i choose.. which one to choose. disgusting.. really.. very disgusting. can i do something? will i be able to do it? if you don't do something... if you don't just try, how would, how would you even know. But i don't.. it is not, not just something. not just that something. so.. i'm waiting.. waiting for that death, will i find my answers.. which one i would choose. past, now, then.. or just.. the end. I wish i would've chose the past.. then maybe, i don't know. but then, i don't know either. just waiting, i'm just waiting for the end. the end that i don't want to create now.. cause.. it's gotta flow on it's own, but it's own. and the end, i would know the outcome. will it be better? i don't know.. maybe the end is good.. cause there's something nice. someone nice maybe? that end will only be the start of the rest. go well, show me.. show me the end, i'll wait...