hn.

home is like emptiness, the house a dead shell
a writing without the soul is nothing, words on paper with a heart is everything.

blah

sigh.. stupid ulcer. hm. Quotes from .. *grins*

Duo: "I wonder what true peace would be like anyway..."
Hilde: "Huh?"
Duo: "Whoa, delete that! Man, was that out of character or what?"

"Stop making me repeat myself. It's bad for my health!"
"People who want to die, hurry up and die. You're wasting good air."

urm

wahha! i found this while reading my fic! Well.. don't mind the language ne? It comes from a 'rebel' hehe.. *looks around*
“You’re an ass because you try so hard not to be different, and you don’t even realize that even if you ARE different, they will accept you for what you are. People who try to change what they are, are all a bunch of fucked-up morons.”
Urm.. See .. don't mind the language! ^.^ Ack. *glomps hidden person*

hmph

well.. i was just thinking about it. that baka kumo kept insisting that plants are also 'living' or 'alive' in that sense. But ..demo.. I don't think so. Maybe it is just my oh well weird oh mind, but it just isn't so! See urm.. animals and plants are different. Animals can feel, they have emotions and the all so well instincts. But plants do not. A living thing is one which can feel so... plants are NOT alive! They don't have a mind of their own, don't feel, isn't 'conscious' well in that sense again~ =D hah! that bakemono hmph. That brings back to heero being a vegetarian. Hmm... he says that he doesn't want to have something 'dead' on his plate. heh. Well.. so.. hmm.. boof. lalaa~ recently i grew more 'mushy' due to those few self-beating-in-the-mouth-or-minds-mammals wahha! =P That was.. urm.. mean. listening to raison detre again. And reading my fics again! *grins* That makes something.. hmm.. but something's missing here alright. I want time for myself!! GrrrRR. It's so hard even to get into the proper mood recently it's like blank reading.. oh what am i blabbering about. hmph. it's like.. if i read a fic and don't feel anything for it, that fic's as good as not ever existing - urm.. or. ack. forget it. Getting stuck in words. That woman is probably working late today. oh well, better mention less on h- that. It'll be atmost unpleasant to spea- type about such things here. Ack. what happened!? Wahha.. just saw my friend's urm. computer science? work earlier today. It's cool! I can't even make something like that, though.. it's a little short. And the animation of the flames are like.. *_* hehe.. not so exaggerated though. She HAS weird minds! But da- it is creative XD the things morphing into other stuff. Sigh. blahblah. got to get back to reading and finish up some of the really irritating- maybe-not homework. hmph.

int junk

taken @ ijunk.org

past life

Your Results:You were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around the territory of which we now know as modern Hungary, approximately in the year 1175.
Your main profession was: leader of a powerful and feared army.
A brief psychological profile of you in that past life:Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, that waited until later in that life to be liberated. Sometimes others considered you strange.
A lesson that your last past life wishes you to learn in your present life is:To develop magnanimity and feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to have only as many, as you may give back.

= |

hmm.. just another day! =D oOsh. There's math test tomorrow.. and thus, the last test of this week, finally! *phew* Funny I never seemed to be bothered by tests and such previously. Well.. heh weird see. Wahh.. I like this song aLOT! [coming closer] have no idea why.. urm maybe I do.. was kinda listening to it while I was reading some of my mOST favourite fanfics. Well, my friend sent it to me lar.. don't know.. feel a sense of nostalgic-ness when I listen to it. Oh well.. to say.. that fic is around 30+ chapters long and took me.. urm.. days of hours-literally to read it all. Hmm.. don't think i've finished reading all though. That stupid internet was cut off halfway. Well.. blehh. was checking out the snoopies today. Hm.. the normal one is kinda more expensive than the christmas one.. But i like the christmas' one's colour better! That one looks much 'prettier' in the sense since it's not plain black and white snoop-ies. =) Well.. back to my fics again. The authors are not updating yet! *_* wahhhh.. but guess.. it's probably not inspiring enough for them to continue or.. the story's simply too long. Nah, demo sa.. they are great!! Wahh! UPDATE! UPDATE! *glomps all worldwide writers* ehh... O.O no idea. hahaa.. boochuu...

*glomps*

Wahh!! Xh;Nyx sent this to me! =D *huggles*
Lifetime is all we have
I long for mine to be with you
there is light
there is hope
let me find it with you
open up your arms
and let me in
and in return I will do the same
and we can fly...
if you want.
Should I take the first step off this cliff...
or is my angel gone...
will my teardrops ever reach the ground
will I ever say I have finally found.
And end to the longing for...
your warm embrace.

--------------------------------------

It’s a sorry sentiment
to feel the way I do...
to long for the evergreens
to not be so green
to long for the skies to not be so blue,
when all i am is grey...
i am living blue...
I am still living for you...
I’m still breathing
I’m still dreaming...
remembering
don't ever let me slip away
from you...
from love.
I am longing for you,
to be here.

Coming Closer

Coming Closer

words: hyde
music: ken

Coming closer
Hurry on, hurry on time It's going so fast
Hurry on, I can't save you
Can't slow it down You know this is your fate
Are you feeling lonely? So lonely, lonely
Cry to the wind

Furisosogu hikari wo abi Te wo nobasu doko made mo takaku
Tada kimi wa kaze ni yurarete Mitsumete wa hakanaku hohoemu
Nemuri no toki wo shitteru no?

Coming closer
Hurry on, hurry on time It's going so fast
Hurry on, I can't save you
Can't slow it down You know this is your fate
Are you feeling lonely? So lonely, lonely
Cry to the wind

Me wo tojita kimi ga kirei de Unmei ni boku wa sakenda
Afuredasu nagare ni nomare Tachitsukusu nasu sube mo nakute
Kono te wa kimi wo iyasenai?

Coming closer
Hurry on, hurry on time It's going so fast
Hurry on, I can't save you
Can't slow it down You know this is your fate
Are you feeling lonely? So lonely, lonely
Cry to the wind

Isoideyukeba haha naru kimi ni...

Coming closer
Hurry on, hurry on time It's going so fast
Hurry on, I can't save you
Can't slow it down You know this is your fate
Are you feeling lonely? So lonely, lonely, lonely,

No one hears, no one hears you
No one cares what you do
Can't slow it down You know this is your fate
Are you feeling lonely? So lonely, lonely
Cry to the wind

hehee!

no one not in the right mind would not agree to such a statement that, he or she is really mentally insane and needed help for this is anything but the truth not. He or she would agree to such a statement not, that i say, mean anything alot not as I am not simply conjuring up nonsensical stuff to confuse the minds not. If you understand, would be that you are not paying full attention to what you are doing not. Who, is in the right mind, would mind this little piece of blabbering as he or she would have bothered to even try reading it not, I guess. As for you, who is not reading not, I feel that it is definitely weird for you not doing that unless you are really not really in your right mind not or have nothing better not to do, not.

O.O What did i just type? wahha! No idea~

NOO!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'M GOING TO DESTROY SOMEONE FOR MESSING WITH ME!!! - URM. OR MY BLOG! DESTROY! DESTROY! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... *DIES* sigh.... can't believe what I just did! wahhh!! now i'm gonna have to redo the layout. hmph fine. i'm not going to get anymore skins from now on! I'll just leave it nice and *whew* like that! But the textarea thingy is gone! grrrr.. noooo!!!! *dies again* who says I can't die multiple times!?

dark matter

found this on one of the fics I read. Abnormal fics, readable

"Scientists have been arguing for centuries about whether the universe will continue expanding forever or will eventually collapse into another Big Bang. That all depends on the mass of the universe, so they've been trying to calculate it. Based on what they measure and their theories about the origin of the universe, the mass they see is less than the minimum amount they know must be there. They call the missing mass 'dark matter' because it's there but they can't see it -- it doesn't reflect light well or it's too small or it's hidden. They think some of it is slightly out of phase with the rest of the universe -- still there, but not quite visible. Of course, they're always trying to detect dark matter so they can determine what will happen sometime a few billion years in the future."

"In our minds it's usually the things we don't see that determine what happens in our heads and ultimately our lives. Some people repress bad memories, other people transfer emotions, others become fragmented personalities, most of which don't know about each other, some people act out against themselves or others. Sometimes you go a lifetime and the dark matter isn't a problem. Other times, you don't see it until it sucks you in and tears you apart. Sometimes you're lucky enough to spot it before it comes to that, or to realize what's happening before you're too far gone... Sometimes you need a little help charting it all out."

quizziee

musing...

again... sometimes.. when the clouds clear, it's surprising the sun has risen again. And thus the next day and the next day. The day when you were most happiest, the day where you were most upset. The day before you were born, the day after you died. Where it just does it's job everyday. I circle, a cycle of it's own no matter what happens. When you die, you are just dead. If you live, you can at least change something in this world. Because things are just like that, it seems easier to carry on. Live, do something, change something, follow what you think is right. This is the simplest rule of life. Simplest rule of my life. For a person afraid of death, hell, a coward. When things get too much, don't forget to breathe, don't forget to go return to your self after going berserk, don't forget to live to see what happens in the world, don't forget to change something meaningful even if it is a little thing. Don't forget that you are you, even though it seems hard. Don't forget, this is real. This is life. you are alive. real.

Scrambled VII

sometime in my life, i learnt to stop looking for reasons to cry
because it doesn't make sense anymore. It just seemed like an illusion
sometime in my life, i learnt there are people i wish for comfort
and people whom is just a passing fleet of wind
sometime in my life, i realised that i am just me, myself
the selfish, yearning, cowardy and disgusting me

sometime in my life, i saw people's life among my own world
i see their silliness, selfishness, helplessness and scared self
but i also saw their kindness, their beauty, and their cheerfulness
are they a fragrant of my memories, or are they real

sometime in my life, the world seem dull and bland
the world seem bloody, gory
the world seem dark, cold
the world would seem anything but nothing else
i learnt to love anything but the plain simplicity of happiness people call

sometime in my life, i realise that other people are around me
they also have their own thoughts and feelings
i had blocked it out, too immersed in my own pits of hell
sometime in my life, i see people crying, bleeding
they were hurt, lonely, scared
surprise surprise
i see people stopping to help
people just ignoring what is going around them
people who leaves after they comclude that the other is alright
somehow i believe
no one can ever stop hurting, unless the entire human race is wiped out

well of course,
sometimes in my life, i think...
i don't make much sense and i think a little overboard.
but nevertheless, i thought, it would never hurt to think, right?

Scrambled VI

I couldn't make you smile
I couldn't make you laugh
I could never hear your laughter
I am sorry
I couldn't give you happiness

I am your burden
I am your menace
I am your depression
Nothing else

Something I couldn't give
Something I don't know how to give
Only you deserve
Only you deserve
Something I couldn't give
Something I don't know

You will be better off without me
You will be happier without me
I couldn't give you happiness
Sorry I couldn't give
Happiness only you deserve

watching

Neon Genesis Evangelion Remastered
Naruto

Finished
Tokyo Underground

llaalaa

ooF! Time for me to learn my chinese spelling now! Arh.. have no idea why I titled my previous post black violet. Hehe.. well, that's the painting of kandinsky I just did. He must be really great.. able to paint soo neatly, it's amazing. Hm. Well, he IS an artist afterall. =D

black violet

arh.. this world is so mad, they need something normal, someone normal. What is being normal? It would be like going round the globe, and ending up in the same place. So, what do we think of normal. A happy life, positive outlook, full of ups and downs, love, care.. so much more. What do we know of that. Isn't it portrayed in television shows. Oh, but that is human whom portrayed their own definition. What is true, what isn't. What is right, and what isn't so, it is all the same is it not. The simplest life, the simplest form of rule. With technology, people become less and less sane in time to come. With companionship, people start hurting each other on purpose or not. I need a life...

Scrambled V

doesn't mean you don't hear something
it is never there
doesn't mean you don't see it
it never existed
doesn't mean you don't say something
it will never be heard
because
because
it is still there
it is still processing
it is still in your heart
it is still in other people's heart
in minds and souls
it never ceased to exist
only you blocked it out
only you chose not to share a piece
whatever it is
it was always there
it is still revolving around
whatever it is
it had never stopped just because you don't
hear, see or say it
hear not with your ears
see not with your eyes
speak not with your lips
or else, you won't know it is there

doesn't mean you don't hear something
it is never there
doesn't mean you don't see it
it never existed
doesn't mean you don't say something
it will never be heard
because
people still hear you
still hear you every with their hearts
they still speak with their smiles and stares
and they still see you...
as you
for what is still evolving
it has always been there.

tourniquet

i tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide

wahhh!!

I just found out what BDSM means! ahahha! Now i know it! erk. Well, it wasn't exactly very much what i've thought it to be though... but nevermind~ who cares! Err.. don't ask how I found out though, kinda strayed from my art research earlier on - ehh.. and instead i went to research on yaoi, that's why I saw that. *coughs* hahhahaa nah nah. yaoi rules! Well, actually not. Whoa, can't believe it! I went to search on yaoi, yaoi, yaoi! erhem.. and I saw or rather read/learnt about some stuff, well that is possibly not suitable for e age. Wahha! But then again, who cares~! Do I ever do things just the right for me- age..? NO! Oh well.. i'm beginning to turn into a maniac. eeks. i'm pervertized again. Hn.. well, i never said I wasn't. Some kind of a thing huh? ehh.. lallalaaa *hums to self* oh.oh. that thought.. hmm.. just thinking~ i wanna be a bi! That's better than norm. haha.. a little impossible though. Aww. Or I can be heero! Meanwhile...
*heero appears*
"what did you say?"
*and death glares*
eeekss!! nooooo!! ok ok fine! Take duo all to yourself and leave me alone!
*smirk and walks away*
-.-'' phew~ hmm.. i'm going a little crazy talking to myself again. sighs- but it's nice isn't it? Well.. i have no idea. lallaaa.. boof. sighs hehe. oOh what was i blabbling about earlier on? hmph stupid thing interrupt my thought. *grins* oh well, as i was saying.. being a bi is good!! but it's against every other thing that is normal. hmm.. well.. ahahhaa! can't wait to go canada, i wanna see that yaoi cp my friend told me about! Wahha. I wanna stalk them till they let me interview and take pictures of them! aww.. sweet~! kyaaa! *go on craze* osh.. calm down, calm down. did i over do it? opps.. got to get back to work. there goes.. my weekend with a .. *wahhhh!!!!* erhem. "OMPH!" opps.. did I hear funny noises down the hallway? got to go! bye!!
*walking to check out the noise*
"Omae o korosu!!"
*outside heero & duo's room* -.-" did i just hear that?
"ouch!! not so hard!!"
*suspicions rise, barge into the room*
"hm?" *sits a sulking duo with heero brushing his hair*
duo: hii! *waves*
heero: *frown* what do you want.
opps. "well, i thought.."
heero: omae o korosu.
duo: *raise eyebrow* hmmmm? anything wrong? *attempt to look both sides*
heero: *got my weird thinking and glares*
*froze* "arhh.. well.. nothing much arh, ja ne!"
heero: *still glaring and brushing duo's hair*
duo: uhmm..mm. "feels niceee"
"hey hey! I didn't really mean what you thought you know? just.. *sighs* anyway, you know I prefer a 2x1 than 1x2 so there's no need for that!" *ducks and run away*
heero: ..... omae o.. *fume*
duo: what's that for? what are you two talking about? huh? hey.. hey! .. gaaahh! don't pull so hard on my hair! ar- hey!!!
*sighs* funny people..aww.. i thought i went in the right time.. *walking away from the room"
meanwhile...
"arhhh!! gentl- hey!! not so hard.. ouch- oucchhh! hey! what were you thin- *wails*"
"hn. gomen"
*funny sounds still emiting from the room*

arghh

it's weird to have those fits again. I shall call it those days that I get really out of it. It is really strange... you get really tired, and then somehow manage to doze off many times so you would decide to take a little nap. Well, only to find out that would be the most horrible decision ever. Then waking up almost reluctantly because it's still tiring, you drag yourself off to do some work. But finding out that it's all groggy, dizzy and you don't seem to have energy to move around nor think. Well, save the fingers typing now. they hardly move much like that anyway. Plus, all the tons of work and your eyes are tired for no reason. You can feel your body slowing down every minute like it wanted to go into herbination, and the air becomes chilly all of a sudden though you usually hate it 'warm' instead. Did I mention the head is heavy? oh yea.. sure. And thus.. overall.. all you - arh.. i wanted now is to go back and continue my longgg nap - which is impossible! Need to do work! Hee.. that sums it up. One of those days I'm really out of it. It's a wonder, I was just thinking how come I feel soooo tired these days. And some others I couldn't even get out of bed even though I've napped over hours! Damn.. is there something wrong or what? This is weird.. NOOOOO!!! My homework!! Kuso! Gotta be in trouble. Kisama.. arhh.. it's coldd! *shiver* stupid fan. Hope that I don't doze off in front of the computer again or.. *dies*

sigh

tired.. again. for no reasons. and i'm dozing off on my computer now which - i don't do that! well... perhaps it's the routine and stuff.. +_+ buzz sleepppsllleeeeppsleepppslepslepslepslepslleeep argh. stupid thing. *doze off* hahahaa! just took a quiz and they said i'm a schizoid.. O.o ..oh how do you spell that again?

......

hmph! stupid! aHsAFgAD

私なし

Pull me down to the dungeons
To the dungeons with you
Leave me broken
I've been a fool aren't I
Coz you won't wait
I've been a fool aren't I
Coz you won't see

Pull me down to hell
To hell together with you
Leave me alone, burning
Burning alive, burning alive
I've been a fool aren't I
Coz you won't wait
I've been a fool aren't I
You're walking off without me

Pull me down, pull me down
Leave me, leave me
Broken, burning, leave me
Alone
Broken, burning, leave me
Drag me down, drag me down

To the dungeons
To hell with you

Pull me down, pull me down
Leave me, leave me
Broken, burning, leave me
Alone
Broken burning, leave me
Drag me down, drag me down

You won't wait
You won't see
You're walking off without me
You won't know
You won't care
Coz your back is turned

Pull me down, drag me down
To the dungeons
To hell with you
You're walking off without me
You're walking off without me

I've been a fool aren't I
Coz you won't wait
You're walking off without me
Without me,
Never with me (x2)

...time for the alien chemistry! gee..

don't know..

well.. i don't know either. nee.. don't know.. *sigh~*

quiz

Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

blast

suffocating, why is it so? Blast, blind the noises, blind all the voices. Don't wanna hear, no don't wanna hear. Suffocating. Oh, let it blast, let it blast. Block out any else. The dull throbbing, no blast it all away, so suffocating, can't breathe. cant' breate, can't breathe.. let it blast, oh let it blast. growing colder. 'shaking' let it blast. no, don't wanna hear. no sounds, no anything. Block it out, shaking, oh block it out. Don't wanna hear, no don't wanna hear, block it out. freeze. why is it suffocating. why shaking? why blasting? cramping, it's growing cold. cold. cold. suffocating. cramping. Why is it so? Churning. Tumbling. Blast, blind all the voice. Don't wanna hear, no sound. can't breathe, oh can't.. blast it all. don't see, no don't hear.