when the angels' cry
and the heavens weep,
and the tears of the dead
threaten to drown me.
when you love me,
this is where I will be...
[!!taken from a fic. not mine again. *sighs mentally*]
Thursday, December 16, 2004
nekO
ooo!! i gotcha the neko's results! She says that it's 'rough' one.. but hmm.... *eyes suspiciously* i bet it's not! hehe.. lalaa~
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Very
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Very
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
heero!!
here's my kawaii heero!! *grins happily*
well.. he's saying omae o korosu there, which means I'll kill you. and i just realised that heero means one and it is pronounce in japanese as he-e-ro [hair-a-rou] eeks.. but somehow i prefer calling heero!
well.. he's saying omae o korosu there, which means I'll kill you. and i just realised that heero means one and it is pronounce in japanese as he-e-ro [hair-a-rou] eeks.. but somehow i prefer calling heero!
whoa..
*sigh* once again.. boOring. oOO! Nakago looks like Yuki here! Yuki~! *shuichi hops out* hehe..
see! hah. oh yea.. hmm.. more pictures.. umm.. let me see
awww... it's a duo plushie.. i want one too! With heero~! *grins* hmm.. wonder if i can try to make one too some day. some velvet cloth.. nice strings for the braid um.. hee!
see! hah. oh yea.. hmm.. more pictures.. umm.. let me see
awww... it's a duo plushie.. i want one too! With heero~! *grins* hmm.. wonder if i can try to make one too some day. some velvet cloth.. nice strings for the braid um.. hee!
disorders
*sigh* let me read up what those weird words mean..
Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: High
Schizotypal: High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Low
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate
URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/disorder_information2.html
Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
Monday, December 13, 2004
...
soo tired now.. it's four, fourty two already. can't seem to find that song i've been searching for. sigh- why do people hate him or the song so much? -sigh- adrenaline level slipping already.. fed on it for too long. shall go read the seiran.. something tomorrow.. they said that that manga is a special one for looking deeper into each character's past.. wanna know.. or find out more. ...sigh.. daydreaming away.. stupid hentai freak.. hope i dream of something nice today.. ...
nakago
Aishikata wo shiranai n' da
Aisareta koto ga nai kara
Blue eyes...blue
translated as:
I don't know how to love
I have never been loved
Blue eyes...blue
Aisareta koto ga nai kara
Blue eyes...blue
translated as:
I don't know how to love
I have never been loved
Blue eyes...blue
..!
sayuru! how could they do this to him!!!? doshite..whyy!?? ....... that hentai ero!! nooooooooooooooooooo *go berserk* noooooo... doshite.. doshite!!? *choke and starts wailing* and there's no redemption, no resolution? NOOOO! it can't end like this!! *runs off* wahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *glomps heero and duo* why didn't anyone save him!?? whyyy!!??? noooooo... noo! wahhhh!!!!! kisama!!!!
eeks!
a bug just fell on my head. a heavy bug. lucky for me to feel it's weight. tilted my head for it to fall. eww. lingering feeling. brr
Sunday, December 12, 2004
song!
ooo change song again.. urm in less that ten minutes perhaps? It's still from last exile.. but a sadder song i guess. only towards the end do they have vocal. kind of weird. i like this song! *grins* oh yea.. it's called [lost friend] lalaa~ nice songss.. sad songs.. whoohoo~ but then.. it seems kind of a peaceful song nahh
judging
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
cloud age symphony
last exile's opening song. sounds like on a jet plane when i hear the song. whoo~ i'm flying~! hmm.. okay.. the english and roman lyric. arhh..! o.o my own eyes are spoiling so i'd better enlarge the font a little. *sheepish grin*
cloud age symphony
just keep on trying, keep on flying
I will be the light
Yoake wo hitotsu no hajimari to suru nara
Ima ga kurubeki toki da to suru nara
Me wo akete irareru to omou
Itsuka kimi ni mita kibou ni nita shou he
Mayoi wo hitotsu no kagayaki to suru ni ha
Ten to ten wo tsunaide ten takaku tatsu ni ha
Kimi to no Cloud Age Symphony
Kumo no umi no mukou ni hikari ga sasu hou he
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun ni aeru no ka?
Tsumetai yo wo hikikae ni
Futari ha habataite
Eien wo tsukamu sono hate ni ha..........
Sekai ha hiroi seikai wo hiroi aoi sora ni mau
Hi wo matoinoboritsume fukai biito wo utsu
Kotae ha Cloud Age Symphony
Kumo no umi wo kimi to hikari ga sasu hou he
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun wo hikikae ni
Hohoemu kyou wo tenohira ni
Ippai no yoake wo
Eien wo tsukamu sono hate ni ha..........
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun wo hikikae ni
Hohoemu kyou wo tenohira ni
Ippai no yoake wo
Eien wo..........
beautiful Cloud Age Symphony
---------------------------------------------
english:
Just keep on trying, keep on flying
I will be the light
If we take the dawn as a single beginning
If we take now as the time that must come
I think that I can open my eyes
To the chapter that resembled hope that I once saw with you
In taking hesitation as a single sparkle
In connecting dots to dots and standing tall in the heavens
The Cloud Age Symphony with you
To the side where light shines on the other side of the sea of clouds
Ah
Will we be able to meet in a magic-like moment?
Conversely, the two of us will flap
Through the cold night
And seize eternity at that extremity..........
The world is wide, and I find the correct interpretation and dance in the blue sky
I don and am engrossed in fire, and strike out a deep beat
The answer is the Cloud Age Symphony
To the side where the light shines with you on the sea of clouds
Ah
Conversely, I’ll seize the magic-like moment
The smiling today in my palm
The full dawn
And eternity at that extremity..........
Ah
Conversely, the magic-like moment
The smiling today in my palm
The full dawn
And eternity..........
beautiful Cloud Age Symphony
cloud age symphony
just keep on trying, keep on flying
I will be the light
Yoake wo hitotsu no hajimari to suru nara
Ima ga kurubeki toki da to suru nara
Me wo akete irareru to omou
Itsuka kimi ni mita kibou ni nita shou he
Mayoi wo hitotsu no kagayaki to suru ni ha
Ten to ten wo tsunaide ten takaku tatsu ni ha
Kimi to no Cloud Age Symphony
Kumo no umi no mukou ni hikari ga sasu hou he
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun ni aeru no ka?
Tsumetai yo wo hikikae ni
Futari ha habataite
Eien wo tsukamu sono hate ni ha..........
Sekai ha hiroi seikai wo hiroi aoi sora ni mau
Hi wo matoinoboritsume fukai biito wo utsu
Kotae ha Cloud Age Symphony
Kumo no umi wo kimi to hikari ga sasu hou he
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun wo hikikae ni
Hohoemu kyou wo tenohira ni
Ippai no yoake wo
Eien wo tsukamu sono hate ni ha..........
Ah
Mahou no you na isshun wo hikikae ni
Hohoemu kyou wo tenohira ni
Ippai no yoake wo
Eien wo..........
beautiful Cloud Age Symphony
---------------------------------------------
english:
Just keep on trying, keep on flying
I will be the light
If we take the dawn as a single beginning
If we take now as the time that must come
I think that I can open my eyes
To the chapter that resembled hope that I once saw with you
In taking hesitation as a single sparkle
In connecting dots to dots and standing tall in the heavens
The Cloud Age Symphony with you
To the side where light shines on the other side of the sea of clouds
Ah
Will we be able to meet in a magic-like moment?
Conversely, the two of us will flap
Through the cold night
And seize eternity at that extremity..........
The world is wide, and I find the correct interpretation and dance in the blue sky
I don and am engrossed in fire, and strike out a deep beat
The answer is the Cloud Age Symphony
To the side where the light shines with you on the sea of clouds
Ah
Conversely, I’ll seize the magic-like moment
The smiling today in my palm
The full dawn
And eternity at that extremity..........
Ah
Conversely, the magic-like moment
The smiling today in my palm
The full dawn
And eternity..........
beautiful Cloud Age Symphony
If we hold on together
hmm.. i took the lyric from hana's diary! Dedicated to.. my kirei friends! *grins*
If We Hold On Together
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You're come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for wearing
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story,
Faith,hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
Chorus :
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
When clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on till the end
Valley, mountain,
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying,
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay
[Chorus]
When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and....I
If We Hold On Together
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You're come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for wearing
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story,
Faith,hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
Chorus :
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
When clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on till the end
Valley, mountain,
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying,
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay
[Chorus]
When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams
Will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and....I
sigh
-going insane every minute. again- no more fics for me. can't seem to find anymore heero duo 2x1 fic that is.. well.. sigh. I WANT MY DAILY SUPPLY OF FOOD. I NEED THEM. NEED THEM. filling the sadistic or whatsoever part of mine. filling. filling. maybe because i know.. in those that i read, duo is always there with the thing 'love' i guess. well..it's stupid typing it anyway. wish i can just lie down on my bed and sleep now and then. sleep forever and forever. not caring about anyone, anything. not having to face anyone, anything, any feeling, or whatsoever. besides eating my father's food is getting to be a chore. why is it that i used to eat it for dinner and now it tastes like some weird stuff? I can taste it.. know it probably taste good somehow. but perhaps something is missing, it isn't good at all. just wish i could stop eating. it's not like i needed the food anyway. i don't even move much, don't need the energy. oh yea.. duo.. hmm.. there's this time, was reading another fic.. it's ok demo.. the ending is horrible. i didn't even want to read the epiloge at all. Well because it seemed that heero and duo were not together. i'm like ehhh.... nani!? doshite!?? and then i freaked out and heh.. i kept a distance from that fic till a week ago. i like the starting part though.. it's nice.. the middle is okay.. but after the *beeeeep* is horrid. horrid. how could anyone grow tired of that? how can?? *boof* if only i could change the ending myself.. but. nah.. can't . thats it. sighhh sleeepp.. whyy. noooo.. heero and duo should always be together. must. it's a must. sigh~ ignorance is a bliss. stupidly evaluating my own thinking and emotions. just a mere robot aren't I. can't seem to help it. [ある時幸せだけ - i'm happy when you are] my friend gave it to me cause.. well. but i don't like a flutter of happiness. it leaves nothing in the end, only more emptiness that waits for me fill out with those fics i read, or the most i read. emptiness is scary. you can't feel anything. nor happy, sad.. sorrowful.. or well.. anything. it's stupid. in the end, i just create whatever emotion is want. it could even change in a blink of an eyelid. But well.. maybe it's good. controlling yourself. full control heh. i'm sooo pervertised.. like that woman. so pervertised. it makes me sick. i'm just another of that creation, all that's left. i used to daydream about.. hoping it would come true.. but this is singapore right? maybe.. a part of my mind tells me that with that.. maybe.. i can gain.. all i wanted. if only.. but it is impossible isn't it. impossible. daydreaming.. if only i can be that person.. hoping.. but i know too. impossible. that *beeeep* is enticing the other day i saw it. but i know.. impossible. no way i'll do that. hygiene, dude. .. sigh.. can't that part stop popping up in my mind and let it wander. in june. on the bus to genting. then i don't know what it is.. but now i know. what can it be. to be only able to sleep on the bus was to cling on the the curtain like there's no tomorrow or something. i thought there is mildred. but guess i'm wrong. Sometimes i just realised again.. i've been relying on colleen too much. probably.. it's something to fall on.. don't other people do that. no idea.. perhaps they don't. because they have a family. i don't. there is a bunch of walking zombies living in my house that i do not need to speak more than a sentence to. living zombies. no wonder kumo says it's cold. who cares. if not for the word filial piety or conscience i bet the moment i had enough money i'd run off to who knows where. who needs them. i don't need someone who doesn't need me. besides.. they're just a punk of psychos. where're anyone when i'm fucking in hell. where's the man when someone's 'murdering' me. who's the one who told me i hate girls who cry when i ran off. where's anyone at all. looking. or rather ignoring every. everything thats happening. i'm glad i didn't murder that person. i'm glad i've grown older. i'm glad perhaps.. i'm stronger now. how can i love anyone that is like that. they must've forgotten everything that happened before. kisama. but i won't. zettai. like the same way.. that woman thought my brother has forgotten about how she and the man used to beat him up like.. ehh.. hell. bastards. a bunch of mere psychos. well.. including me. who says there aren't side effects. there sure is. stupid side effects. i never knew why they were present till i'm the least thirteen.. never knew.. and only then i realise what it has been called all the years. i bet those two morons heard me last time. i said it out loud. i'm sure.. they're outside right.. they probably heard it. fucking morons. if that woman is going to come out of her room.. i bet i'll .. oh well.. i won't dare anyway. cowardy~ stupid side effects. real stupid. hm. oh yea.. i used the word fuck. hah. fuck all you like. who cares. who the hell cares. moron. -sigh- *change song* oh mean... what was i typing.. *headache* darn... i'll try reading it after the post. sigh.. back's aching. listening to [if we hold on together] *breathe*
Friday, December 10, 2004
hana~
look! kumo drew a flower! it's ugly right? *chuckle* oh.. just joking =D *grins* pretty nice lar.. i think.. hmph. but the sun looks O.o
futatsu no negai
[changed song again! =D]
sotto,sotto,hitomi tojite kimi o kanjite iru...
mata kaze ni sasowarete, hitori sora o miageru
aenai yoru wa hoshi ni negai wo kakeru no
honto no watashi nante nare mo wakaranai kedo
koko ni iru kara, matte iru kara, kimi dake wa kizuite
*zutto, zutto, yume o miteru omoi na itsuka to doku youni
sotto, sotto, hitomi tojiru kiete shimawanai de
dare wo omote iru no nani omitsumete iru no
sunao ni nare nai no wa watashi ga yowai kara
kono mama yoru wo koete suguni ai ni yuki tai
moshi garau nara ano toki no yoni
kimi wa waratte kureru no
*motto, motto, yume o misete omoi na toki renai youni
yureru, yureru, kono kokoro wa kimi o sagashite iru
sora wa, kyo wo mo, kataku tooku chiisana jibun wo omou kedo
hoshi mo, yami mo, kaze mo ashita no kimi ni tsuzuite iru
sotto,sotto,hitomi tojite kimi o kanjite iru...
mata kaze ni sasowarete, hitori sora o miageru
aenai yoru wa hoshi ni negai wo kakeru no
honto no watashi nante nare mo wakaranai kedo
koko ni iru kara, matte iru kara, kimi dake wa kizuite
*zutto, zutto, yume o miteru omoi na itsuka to doku youni
sotto, sotto, hitomi tojiru kiete shimawanai de
dare wo omote iru no nani omitsumete iru no
sunao ni nare nai no wa watashi ga yowai kara
kono mama yoru wo koete suguni ai ni yuki tai
moshi garau nara ano toki no yoni
kimi wa waratte kureru no
*motto, motto, yume o misete omoi na toki renai youni
yureru, yureru, kono kokoro wa kimi o sagashite iru
sora wa, kyo wo mo, kataku tooku chiisana jibun wo omou kedo
hoshi mo, yami mo, kaze mo ashita no kimi ni tsuzuite iru
ame
by garbage 'I'm only happy when it rains' why isn't it raining today? That doesn't feel right, it doesn't seem right. Maybe it's going to rain soon. I'm going to make it rain. addiction. i can smell the rain, a little drizzle coming soon. If only it rains soon, if only it rains hard, if only the rain doesn't stop. when the sun will not be up, make it rain. when the rainbow would not appear, make it not stop. Even if it is too much, let the rain pour. hard. real hard. make it not stop. this is my addiction. the daily bread when the sun isn't going to shine. my source of food in kodoku. 'I'm only happy when it rains' Please let it rain and shower away the filth of the earth, dirty.
abuse
It is not he who gives abuse that affronts, but the view that we take of it as insulting; so that when one provokes you it is your own opinion, which is provoking. - Epictetus (60 - 120) Roman stoic philosopher
Thursday, December 09, 2004
kodou
whoohoo! another song. um.. it's from D.N.Angel again.
Kodou ~Whenever~ -dark's theme-
Japanese:
azayakana hana wo matou you ni mayorita kimi wa tenshi
sono koe ... hohoemi...taka aatte ku mune no kodou
hatasehinaku fukai ai no naka yasashi sato tsuyo sa wo shiru
itami wo iyashite kimi no tameni hane wo hirogeyou
hageshi ame no naka no nobasu yubisaki mienai yami yoru demo kimi wo mitsukeru
itsuka sono te wo hiite iki mo dekinu hodo tsuyoku kimi no koto dakishimeru kara
tozasareta sekai kara habataku yokan to unmei wo mawasu oto ga kikoeru
hoshi mo tsukimo taiyou mo kimi ga hitomi akeru nara kagayaki wo mashite yukudarou
ore no na wo yonde kure kimi ni furisosogu kanashimi wo subete uketomeru kara
ni mo kokoro wo sasagaseyou inochi wo kakete no kimi no hohoemi wo mamori nukitai
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
English:
a bright flower is falling, you are an angel
that voice... the smile... loud.. Ah! the loneliness in my chest
in the end, deeply inside, you know that love is gentil and strong
the pain and the repugnance for you will be extending along the wings
in the middle of a heavy rain, the finger does not see in the darkness, but it finds you at night
when that hand holds you, i wouldn't be able to breath, it's strong, that's why i will hug you.
From a world that is closing it's wings foreshadows the destiny
which spins
and i can still hear the sound.
the stars, the moon, the sun, even if your eyes open, they would shine that's i think
Call my name. I'll receive all your sadness.
Give your body and your heart, also risk your life. I'll go to protect your smile
Kodou ~Whenever~ -dark's theme-
Japanese:
azayakana hana wo matou you ni mayorita kimi wa tenshi
sono koe ... hohoemi...taka aatte ku mune no kodou
hatasehinaku fukai ai no naka yasashi sato tsuyo sa wo shiru
itami wo iyashite kimi no tameni hane wo hirogeyou
hageshi ame no naka no nobasu yubisaki mienai yami yoru demo kimi wo mitsukeru
itsuka sono te wo hiite iki mo dekinu hodo tsuyoku kimi no koto dakishimeru kara
tozasareta sekai kara habataku yokan to unmei wo mawasu oto ga kikoeru
hoshi mo tsukimo taiyou mo kimi ga hitomi akeru nara kagayaki wo mashite yukudarou
ore no na wo yonde kure kimi ni furisosogu kanashimi wo subete uketomeru kara
ni mo kokoro wo sasagaseyou inochi wo kakete no kimi no hohoemi wo mamori nukitai
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
English:
a bright flower is falling, you are an angel
that voice... the smile... loud.. Ah! the loneliness in my chest
in the end, deeply inside, you know that love is gentil and strong
the pain and the repugnance for you will be extending along the wings
in the middle of a heavy rain, the finger does not see in the darkness, but it finds you at night
when that hand holds you, i wouldn't be able to breath, it's strong, that's why i will hug you.
From a world that is closing it's wings foreshadows the destiny
which spins
and i can still hear the sound.
the stars, the moon, the sun, even if your eyes open, they would shine that's i think
Call my name. I'll receive all your sadness.
Give your body and your heart, also risk your life. I'll go to protect your smile
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
tired..
sigh~ for once i'm tired again.. how to tell.. umm when everything becomes gooey and your mind processes slowly, back starts to ache again, skin becoming more sensitive arh.. and it's cold now. But i think it's cold because of the weather though.. it's turning a little cold here in the tropics somehow.. ahh.. sigh just read finish a fic again. hmm.. oh yea! *konk* almost forgot i left my friend's site 'hanging' in the air. gotta finish it soon! lalaa~ well.. being cut by something unknown during an unknown period of time isn't nice! But i could pretty much guess it's the air. the ultimate culprit. hmph yea and there's this time i was stupid enough to accidentally 'cut' my finger. nah.. stupid testtube.~ opps.my mind is slipping.. floating away. gotta sleep already bwuah
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
bedtime!
ooohhh.. it's umm.. morning again. *chuckles* Hee.. i had no idea actually when the time runs. -.-'' was trying to update some profiles of mine in a forum dahhh.. and it took.. two hours plus!? eeeks. nahnah.. who bothers. it's not like there's anymore else to do other then talk eat read sleep play type moan and.. oOOh! think about heero! hahaa! yea! hmm.. he seem so real, like a character.. no. a real anime person living in another dimension with the stories. sigh~ how come he's got duo and i ain't!? noo fair.. *pouts* oh well.. my body is beginning to tell me it's tired now. I was on 'high' just now.. keep typing that silly profile, blabbling away about everything, about my tomodachi! hee.. wonder if i should change song soon already.. but it seems a nice song! lalaa~ *sings* i am hurting~ i have lost it all~ i have lose it.. help me to breathe~! itching~ stupid camp shirt. shouldn't have wore it! .... -sigh- going to the library tomorrow with the forever baka candle. *boof!* ja ne!
Monday, December 06, 2004
piccy=piggy
oh well.. i found this.. on a site.. the wordings is.. [you cry a lot when you're alone] dedicated to.. no one in particular. I think it's a pretty graphic.
heero
heero. is all i ever like, is all i ever want to be. at least in the fanfics that is. he is strong in every sense, cold, calm, level headed, aloof, indifferent, and emotionless though.. he isn't emotionless in that sense. and best of all.. he has duo! mwuahahahhaaa.. and he can break all metal except 'gundanium'! Again, though it is only an anime, a character created out of nothing by the mentality of men.. i like him alot! It's the same which i like sanzo, akito-s, yuki-s, kyo and.. so forth. One thing that they all have in them.. is.. the cold exterior. The angsting, their past, and the weakness it caused them to have. Hm.. the sickness, the fragility of their hearts and.. the violence and last of all, indifference they show. just love em all! *starts glomping continuously* arh..gomen..
Sunday, December 05, 2004
The prince and the fairy king
[!!this tale is taken from a fic i read]
"Grandma, what are you looking for? Can I help you look for it?"
"It's no use", she told him with a slight smile, "Even with your help, I wouldn't be able to find it."
"Why's that?"
"It's no longer here.", she told him glancing around at the mess she had made, "I was only hoping that it was still here. I swear that it was."
"Well what is it?",
"Have I ever told you the story of the Fairy King?",
"What about the Fairy King?", the boy asked, hands tugging at her dress skirt.
"How careless of me to not tell you the best story of them all."
"What happens?!", he asked impatiently, and his grandmother shushed him
"Alright, calm down. Now where to start?"
"Start at the beginning.", he reminded her, and she laughed hugging him closer.
"Yes, the beginning. Well in the beginning the world was a different place. Magic wasn't only heard of in fairy tales. It was real, very real. Animals could communicate with humans and vice versa."
"Yes, well, there were also many other species, many different creatures. Those completely different form the human race and those that were human-like but born of magic."
"Now fairies, elves, humans and the likes, they all lived together in peace. Though it is said that they were very cautious of each other."
"There were humans, elves, dragons, fairies, giants, dwarves, goblins, and many other creatures."
"Though they lived in peace, they kept to themselves. Not wanting to get caught on the affairs of other species. Though there was one creature who had found that a certain king had caught her eye."
"The Fairy King. Now the woman was a very powerful sorceress. An elf with power beyond any who held it. And she found herself deeply enraptured by this king. She wanted him and she tried her best to get him."
"Did she?", The boy asked enthralled with the story.
"No. Unfortunately for her he was already in love with someone else. The beautiful child of the Human King. The Fairy King had refused her advances and he ignored her threats to him. Her jealousy however he was very aware of and he knew that it could mean something drastic. In desperation, she tried her best to make him love her with a deal. She promised him powers beyond his wildest dreams and an endless kingdom farther than the eyes could see. Complete and utter control of the entire world and it's creatures that dwelled upon it. All of this, but only if he would have her as his queen."
"What did he do?", he asked, eyes now wide.
"Well he refused of course. He could never love her when his heart belonged to another. However, the elven sorceress would not stand for that. In a blind rage she reached into his chest and drew out his heart. He watched her as she turned it to glass and threw it to the ground. It shattered into a hundred pieces and the sorceress called upon the Great Wind. He was ordered to scatter the shards across the world and so he did, vowing under threat to never reveal where they were. With that she turned to the Fairy King vowing that he would never love again. If she could not have his heart than no one else would. She also vowed to take away his precious human and so she did."
"What did the Fairy King do? Was he sad?"
"Very sad. He didn't need his heart to feel emotion contrary to what the sorceress thought. He mourned the loss of his heart and his love. Who the sorceress had stolen away from the humans and she made sure the child was hidden away where the Fairy King could never find it. It was said that the sorceress gave the child a shard of the king's heart, telling the young child-"
"How young?", the boy asked innocently and his grandmother stopped.
"About eighteen.", she told him, "No need to worry. There will be no pedophiles in my stories."
"As I was saying, she told the child that the Fairy King was no more, and with that she sent the child away for good. Never to be found."
"But the Fairy King found the kid right?", he asked, desperately wanting a happy ending.
"The Fairy King never found the love of his life. However, he did find nearly all the pieces of his heart. The last piece he learned was with his human lover, and he vowed to find it. Then will the two be together and his heart would be whole."
"Grandma, what are you looking for? Can I help you look for it?"
"It's no use", she told him with a slight smile, "Even with your help, I wouldn't be able to find it."
"Why's that?"
"It's no longer here.", she told him glancing around at the mess she had made, "I was only hoping that it was still here. I swear that it was."
"Well what is it?",
"Have I ever told you the story of the Fairy King?",
"What about the Fairy King?", the boy asked, hands tugging at her dress skirt.
"How careless of me to not tell you the best story of them all."
"What happens?!", he asked impatiently, and his grandmother shushed him
"Alright, calm down. Now where to start?"
"Start at the beginning.", he reminded her, and she laughed hugging him closer.
"Yes, the beginning. Well in the beginning the world was a different place. Magic wasn't only heard of in fairy tales. It was real, very real. Animals could communicate with humans and vice versa."
"Yes, well, there were also many other species, many different creatures. Those completely different form the human race and those that were human-like but born of magic."
"Now fairies, elves, humans and the likes, they all lived together in peace. Though it is said that they were very cautious of each other."
"There were humans, elves, dragons, fairies, giants, dwarves, goblins, and many other creatures."
"Though they lived in peace, they kept to themselves. Not wanting to get caught on the affairs of other species. Though there was one creature who had found that a certain king had caught her eye."
"The Fairy King. Now the woman was a very powerful sorceress. An elf with power beyond any who held it. And she found herself deeply enraptured by this king. She wanted him and she tried her best to get him."
"Did she?", The boy asked enthralled with the story.
"No. Unfortunately for her he was already in love with someone else. The beautiful child of the Human King. The Fairy King had refused her advances and he ignored her threats to him. Her jealousy however he was very aware of and he knew that it could mean something drastic. In desperation, she tried her best to make him love her with a deal. She promised him powers beyond his wildest dreams and an endless kingdom farther than the eyes could see. Complete and utter control of the entire world and it's creatures that dwelled upon it. All of this, but only if he would have her as his queen."
"What did he do?", he asked, eyes now wide.
"Well he refused of course. He could never love her when his heart belonged to another. However, the elven sorceress would not stand for that. In a blind rage she reached into his chest and drew out his heart. He watched her as she turned it to glass and threw it to the ground. It shattered into a hundred pieces and the sorceress called upon the Great Wind. He was ordered to scatter the shards across the world and so he did, vowing under threat to never reveal where they were. With that she turned to the Fairy King vowing that he would never love again. If she could not have his heart than no one else would. She also vowed to take away his precious human and so she did."
"What did the Fairy King do? Was he sad?"
"Very sad. He didn't need his heart to feel emotion contrary to what the sorceress thought. He mourned the loss of his heart and his love. Who the sorceress had stolen away from the humans and she made sure the child was hidden away where the Fairy King could never find it. It was said that the sorceress gave the child a shard of the king's heart, telling the young child-"
"How young?", the boy asked innocently and his grandmother stopped.
"About eighteen.", she told him, "No need to worry. There will be no pedophiles in my stories."
"As I was saying, she told the child that the Fairy King was no more, and with that she sent the child away for good. Never to be found."
"But the Fairy King found the kid right?", he asked, desperately wanting a happy ending.
"The Fairy King never found the love of his life. However, he did find nearly all the pieces of his heart. The last piece he learned was with his human lover, and he vowed to find it. Then will the two be together and his heart would be whole."
hn.
[this doesn't make sense at all]
for some reasons, the woman woke up in the middle of her sleep and asked me if i'd like to eat that 'fake' pizza that was bought. It's kinda weird and i can't stop laughing, so that woman had to leave with the idea that i didn't want any food. and there it goes *ding* the oven. well perhaps. the man came from his room and shuffles.. so i had the pizza after all. men ARE greedy aren't they? oh well. not all. oh. the pizza came. so do the woman. i realised that it's chipped. or the least, a piece was missing from 'half' the pizza. Well as long as that woman don't sickly 'bit' off directly from it thats fine. One doesn't have to give excuses so much. So there.. i'm munching on it now. typing away still. muttering non-sensical--?? stuff. why can't 'it' type in a different pov. 'the woman' sounds perfectly right to me. not even a s,h,e would be more right than that. sigh~ after all the pizza taste good. humm.. in the afternoon or what i so called late morning, that girl replied ok fine then. Did i do anything? wondering. surely one can't possibly make itself scarce for me not wanting it's presence around would it? Nothing of such would ever happen i guess. the least. thinking. or not really. blabbling away without much thought would be the right words to use. what could one wish more than a friendly company. found out what is actually sought after by the fics i read. not that i 'just' found out but kinda concluded it again after much thought. if it became an obsession, will it ever stop. what if it became too much of part of one, too great to stop. guess that. obsession is like how or why people want to cut. self mutilation a better word. wouldn't ever know unless one tries, not until it became a habit. isn't it stupid then. worldly desires or needs. well. but when it's so empty the feeling is greater. exasperation for a need to feel, even if it is someone else's-not your own. the first sought in life created out of humans. stories or shows. what can it be. but first way i'm finding isn't what i would call normal. maybe it is normal, but how could it be. because just what is known as utterly sick to the core. Not too sick though. My planet uranus, that woman's planet is also uranus. what could be blamed. uranus also represents perversion. i would be surprised. if that woman isn't so sick, i wouldn't be. it just got to pass on. or rather what is created out of a sick and perversed mind. subjects to be avoided, subjects to ignore. things one should see, things one shouldn't. the friend who's unhappy most of it's day till it meets another friend online. it's normal again. wonder if i'm like that too. but it isn't so. apathy. perhaps nothing is wrong. it is only wrong cause that human mind searched for differences, unique-ty. or maybe it is worse than thought. a moment of berserk when confronted with the word 'heh. is there even anything wrong. nothing's wrong.' and all could be calm. that is probably an illusion. musing too much isn't good either.
for some reasons, the woman woke up in the middle of her sleep and asked me if i'd like to eat that 'fake' pizza that was bought. It's kinda weird and i can't stop laughing, so that woman had to leave with the idea that i didn't want any food. and there it goes *ding* the oven. well perhaps. the man came from his room and shuffles.. so i had the pizza after all. men ARE greedy aren't they? oh well. not all. oh. the pizza came. so do the woman. i realised that it's chipped. or the least, a piece was missing from 'half' the pizza. Well as long as that woman don't sickly 'bit' off directly from it thats fine. One doesn't have to give excuses so much. So there.. i'm munching on it now. typing away still. muttering non-sensical--?? stuff. why can't 'it' type in a different pov. 'the woman' sounds perfectly right to me. not even a s,h,e would be more right than that. sigh~ after all the pizza taste good. humm.. in the afternoon or what i so called late morning, that girl replied ok fine then. Did i do anything? wondering. surely one can't possibly make itself scarce for me not wanting it's presence around would it? Nothing of such would ever happen i guess. the least. thinking. or not really. blabbling away without much thought would be the right words to use. what could one wish more than a friendly company. found out what is actually sought after by the fics i read. not that i 'just' found out but kinda concluded it again after much thought. if it became an obsession, will it ever stop. what if it became too much of part of one, too great to stop. guess that. obsession is like how or why people want to cut. self mutilation a better word. wouldn't ever know unless one tries, not until it became a habit. isn't it stupid then. worldly desires or needs. well. but when it's so empty the feeling is greater. exasperation for a need to feel, even if it is someone else's-not your own. the first sought in life created out of humans. stories or shows. what can it be. but first way i'm finding isn't what i would call normal. maybe it is normal, but how could it be. because just what is known as utterly sick to the core. Not too sick though. My planet uranus, that woman's planet is also uranus. what could be blamed. uranus also represents perversion. i would be surprised. if that woman isn't so sick, i wouldn't be. it just got to pass on. or rather what is created out of a sick and perversed mind. subjects to be avoided, subjects to ignore. things one should see, things one shouldn't. the friend who's unhappy most of it's day till it meets another friend online. it's normal again. wonder if i'm like that too. but it isn't so. apathy. perhaps nothing is wrong. it is only wrong cause that human mind searched for differences, unique-ty. or maybe it is worse than thought. a moment of berserk when confronted with the word 'heh. is there even anything wrong. nothing's wrong.' and all could be calm. that is probably an illusion. musing too much isn't good either.
Friday, December 03, 2004
eye colour
talking to myself again.
"i'm going to get coloured contacts someday!"
"oh. what colour"
"urm.. blue? ehh maybe green.. what about ameythst..an-"
"what colour exactly?"
"I was thinking, green is cool! but amethyst is kin-"
"SO?"
"Arh! Grey is scary.. but muraki has gre-"
"who's that"
"some guy in the anime? oh! as i was saying.. he has grey or rather metallic eye. It's only on one side though. But then he looks kinda scary and well.. *grin* so .. yea! Red eyes are niceee too! it's like roses.."
"blood"
"roses! roses are red-"
"urusei. so what colour have you decided"
"hey! I was just saying.. red-"
"forget that i asked"
"aww.. come on.. maybe i'll take blue afterall. But europeans ALL have blue eyes..it's common t-"
"not ALL"
"but it's too common. so.. ack. how about black eyes?" *grins*
"that IS your colour"
"oh? hehe.." *scratch head* "i.. hee.. forgot"
"just stick to it then"
"stick? i.."
"black eyes. your natural colour"
"oh.. but i thought grey colou-"
*fume* "do what you like and don't disturb me.."
"aww.. hidoi ne.. hey! emerald eyes may suit you."
"..."
"how about yellow orbs? ne? yellow? oh.. maybe pink.."
-.-'' *sweatdrop*
"so how? so how? or maybe you lik-"
"shut up. urusei n.."
"maybe.."
*gong* "noisy brat"
"ack! wahhhhh!!!!" *covers lump on head and run away*
"i'm going to get coloured contacts someday!"
"oh. what colour"
"urm.. blue? ehh maybe green.. what about ameythst..an-"
"what colour exactly?"
"I was thinking, green is cool! but amethyst is kin-"
"SO?"
"Arh! Grey is scary.. but muraki has gre-"
"who's that"
"some guy in the anime? oh! as i was saying.. he has grey or rather metallic eye. It's only on one side though. But then he looks kinda scary and well.. *grin* so .. yea! Red eyes are niceee too! it's like roses.."
"blood"
"roses! roses are red-"
"urusei. so what colour have you decided"
"hey! I was just saying.. red-"
"forget that i asked"
"aww.. come on.. maybe i'll take blue afterall. But europeans ALL have blue eyes..it's common t-"
"not ALL"
"but it's too common. so.. ack. how about black eyes?" *grins*
"that IS your colour"
"oh? hehe.." *scratch head* "i.. hee.. forgot"
"just stick to it then"
"stick? i.."
"black eyes. your natural colour"
"oh.. but i thought grey colou-"
*fume* "do what you like and don't disturb me.."
"aww.. hidoi ne.. hey! emerald eyes may suit you."
"..."
"how about yellow orbs? ne? yellow? oh.. maybe pink.."
-.-'' *sweatdrop*
"so how? so how? or maybe you lik-"
"shut up. urusei n.."
"maybe.."
*gong* "noisy brat"
"ack! wahhhhh!!!!" *covers lump on head and run away*
-sigh-
it's already fifth week or so into the holidays, umm.. around 3 weeks more to school reopen? Haven't done much since the holidays started though, nah.. life is like that! Darn.. had better try to do more of the homework. I wonder if other schools also have homework.. well most probably i guess.. -xian- downloading naruto episode 112 now. Just watched 110-111 this morning ^.^ lalaa~ can't wait! Then again, sitting at the computer for too long is 'sickening' hmm.. stupid nekoO sleeping and i can't call her hmph. sigh.. it seems to be getting warmer.. i bet.. i'm gonna cut off that stupid hair one day! hmph..... eeeekkkkkssss
bwuah..!
and he said... i told you that i'm me and you are you. It's stupid to think about who's better at what. Don't let what he said bother you too much. All you need to do is live your life naturally and comfortably [shikamaru]
Thursday, December 02, 2004
nothing
-there is nothing here, absolutely nothing. i have nothing here, absolutely nothing here, nothing here to blog at this moment. empty, very empty mind. so just bye, at least there's something i can say, bye.-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)