scrambled III

oh man! *smack!* this is so insane! i was just thinking about one really insane fic i ever tried reading. so it came out #^$%^$ too. sigh~ maybe i should just keep it private. it doesn't make sense at all, yet it seems nice blabbering again nonsense. heh. oh well~ sigh again~ don't read it. no one should. because well it is really stupid and mad.

I was going home one day
I was going home to kill myself
I met a girl on the street
A girl no older than ten
She asked me if I am lost
I laughed and answered almost automatically
Using heero's quote I said
I have been lost since the day I was born
She smiled and wish me goodluck
Goodluck to find my way home soon.
As I turned to leave the girl called again
She said that she was actually lost
I asked her if she needed help
But she smiled in return and ran off
I had forgotten to kill myself that day

A long time after.
I was going home from school
I was going home for dinner.
I met the girl again
Only that she had longer hair,
and more tattered clothes
She waved to me and I went over
She was hugging a teddy bear.
I asked her if she had found her parents yet
But she only smiled further
And told me what I wouldn't believe my ears
she said 'I had lost my innocence' and grinned
I looked at her in disbelief gaped
She held out the teddy bear to me and continued
'I had lost my innocence since the day I died'

'since the day I killed my own parents'
'since the day I met the guy who wanted no money'
'not death, not blood, not anything.'
'but the insanity of enjoying other's pain'
'he kicked my father and tied him to the bedpost'
'he told me if I could hit the apple above my father's head,'
'he will let us go'
'he gave me a gun and asked me to aim'
'I was scared to death, i was trembling'
'I did not know what to do'
'My mother was tied by behind me'
'My father infront of me'
'I was so very scared. so very shocked. i was only five'
'my mother was crying and begging. my father asked me to shoot'
'but i was scared.'
'the moment a plane rushed overhead i shot. missed'
'the man grinned and help me to aim. he asked me to help'
'help end my father's suffering'
'so i shot. it went right through my father's heart.'
'i wasn't crying. i was too shock. i was hoping'
'just hoping that it is all of a nightmare. hoping the man will go'
'hoping my father will wake up. hoping to be in front of the television'
'watching cartoons happily oblivious to anything'
'the man was laughing. he looked.mad.'
'I could hear my mother's cries. i was still, couldn't move'
'when the man walked over to my mother, the cries became louder.'
'but there's only silence in my mind'
'when he is done with my mother, he held the gun to me again'
'so i killed my mother, in exchange for my freedom'
'but he took me in. so i began killing people for him'
'I lost my innocence that day. and ever since.'

For the longest time in my life, i laughed.
I laughed real hard. I laughed at the irony,
I laughed at everything.
I laughed at what happened, I laugh at the bloodshed.
For once, I knew I was not normal.
So i asked her, if she was here to kill me too
She just grinned again and said that
she just wanted to give me the bear, her bear
So I took and head home.
That very night I lost my sanity
That very night I lost everything