testing

The first video I have on the blog. Translation is below. Well.. i like this one, alot! heh..



English:
There must be lots of thing that
you had to bear with
You were crying in your heart, right ?
You can't give up on that
dream you've chosen,right ?
You might just have a supporting role..
and you might just be a person who
stands in another's shadow
When you face off with your dream..
Let him stay inside it, and
let him be honest with himself
You've done this many times..
You never gave up with yourself
You've done this many times..
You've stood up many times
You've done this many times..
We.. many times .. believed..
Many times .. and dreamed..
Many times..
You've done this many times..
You've done alot of stupid things..
Many times..
You've stood inside another's shadow
many times
Yes. you're playing the main role now
Please let us dream of whatever we want

blehh

It's boooOOring! Well, not exactly. Nothing to type thats all. Hmm.. staying at home all day is.. *murderous* Well.. my font just kind of expanded so, guess i'll have to resize it to 'tiny'! sigh~ arh.. [very few people actually think anymore. People here, they just make noise. They do not talk, there is no meaning behind their words, they just exercise their vocal chords, nothing more ] I like this quote alot. But it might not be true lar, people do think don't they? Well.. at least I know some do. hmm.. hahaa! Was watching naruto episodes i download recently, one which the trio was trying to find out how kakashi looked like behind his mask. Hmm.. it's really funny XD. arh.. but the feeling's not really there anymore. It's gone! hmph. stupid. I shall build on those that i've downloaded then.. *sings* 'need something to build on~' was re-reading one of my fics and i remembered the conversation about snowman so.. well.. i quoted it again. Just keep quoting stuff, hmph wonder if it's 'illegal' or not. Afterall the idea comes from other people. nah.. shall change song again.. sigh~ ja. *mutters in background and dissappears*

its warm..

"why did you take your sweater off?"
“To put it on the snowman. So he won’t be cold.”
"a snowman can’t be cold.”
“Why?”
“Well... it’s made of snow, right?”
*nods*
“So if it’s made of snow, it can’t be cold, right? But you’re not made of snow, so you can get a cold if you don’t wear a sweater.”
“but.. what if he just looks like he’s cold on the outside, and he’s warm on the inside? What if he just wants you to think that he isn’t?”
“Well, uh...”
“Maybe he just wants to pretend. And now he is cold, cause he covered himself with snow. So I’m gonna give him a sweater and make him warmer.”
“Uh. . .”
"I said something stupid again, huh?”
“No. You didn’t say something stupid at all. Maybe the snowman is cold, I don’t know, but to be honest, I just want you to be warm.”

more..

lalaa~ *starts humming random tune*

"The human hand is such a fascinating thing. Art and music are amazing to me. Most people rely solely on the spoken word to get their feelings and emotions across, but sometimes there are some emotions that are impossible to express with only the spoken word. Music and art is another medium for that. One can express so much more of themself by using their hands to create another dimension to do so."

"People label things so that they can be a part of something. It is in the human nature to want to be a part of a group, any group. In order to be part of a group, there has to be another group. If you are of one group, then you are able to say why you are better than the other group and thus you have achieved self-pride. People want to feel special, especially in adolescence. They want to be able to be above some one else. All of their young life they have been commanded by their parents, now that they have a little bit of freedom, they want to control something. So they in turn create these social groups and boundaries, this way they have a way of not only being able to control, but also being able to belong. People wish to belong because people do not wish to be alone. Social groups are also a way of belonging. Of course, there are always exceptions to these ‘rules’. But one thing one must remember is that there is always an exception to everything."

"Sometimes that which feels wrong is right."

"change is good, but I do not want you to change drastically. I love the way you are. Stay that way, for you are a good person."

quotes

hmm.. just kind of picked them out in some fics that I read.

"I have always wondered, why humans are so quick to anger. It causes only pain. Anger is caused from situations that can be easily rationalized. There is no good from being angry, so why not think and find the source of your anger and take the energy that is caused from this emotion and use this energy to find and carry out a better solution to the problem?"

"In case you have not noticed, very few people actually think anymore. I would like very much to find someone who does. People here, they just make noise. They do not talk, there is no meaning behind their words, they just exercise their vocal chords, nothing more. But I can hear it behind the noise that you mean. You want to think..."

"I am *not* stupid. I might be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. I may be a little ignorant, naïve, even, but stupid I am not. People who have no understanding of differences are stupid. People who have no patience for the naïve are stupid. People who cut themselves in the middle of the night are stupid. I am not stupid."

"Just because you cannot admit something to yourself does not mean it is not there. Just because you cannot see something does not mean that it is not happening! The world does not revolve around your eyes, or your idea of right and wrong. People mess up, you and I and everyone else mess up occasionally. If you can not admit that to yourself, then you are a lot worse off than I thought you were."

anime

so far these are the animes that i thought of.
[completed] [incomplete] [watching now] [want to watch] [plan to buy] [dropped]
3x3 eyes
ah! my goddess
ai no kusabi
ai yori aoshi enishi
akazukin chacha
angel sanctuary
angelic layer
avenger
ayashi no ceres
bleach
bottle fairy
boys be
bronze
cardcaptor sakura
chobits
chrno crusade
clamp
cowboy bebop
d.n angel
eden's bowy
el hazard +alternate world
escaflowne
fake
fish in the trap
fruits basket
fujimiya symphony
fullmetal alchemist
fushigi yuugi
galaxy angels
gankutsuou - the count of monte cristo
gensoumaden saiyuki
ghost in the shell
grave of the fireflies
groove adventure rave
gundam wing
gravitation
get backers
hack//sign
hack//liminality
haru wo daite ita
hunter x hunter
kiki's delivery service
kodomo no omocha
kyou kara maou
last exile
lesson xx
loveless
metropolis
night walker
naruto
nausicaä of the valley of the wind
neon genesis evangelion remastered
one piece
outlaw star
onegai teacher
onegai twins
papa to kiss in the dark
ranma half
rurouni kenshin
slam dunk
saint beast
saiyuki reload
saiyuki gunlock
sakura wars
serial experiments lain
shadow skill
shaman king
shingetsutan tsukihime
slayers
spiral
spirited away
strange dawn
trigun
the legend of condor heroes
tokyo underground
trinity blood
tsubasa chronicle
vandread
voices of a distant star
weib kreuz gluhen
weiss kreuz
wolf's rain
X
yugioh
yami no matsuei

-updated:: 16/02/05--
-updated:: 06/05/05--
-updated:: 12/05/05--
-updated:: 02/07/05--
-updated::09/08/06--

26 november

.found bitcomet download program, revive naruto.
.animax came to singapore finally, channel 83/84.

michishirube

now playing this song:: michishirube from D.N Angel still. I shall upload some naruto songs soon!
Michishirube
Japanese:
tomorrow never knows dakedo ima
mayoi wa nai sa
hare wataru sora ni mayou
tsubasa no youni
sayounara... arigatou...
kimi ga ita kara
mirai he to tsuzuku michi
aruki daseru kanarazu
my dreams come true
shinjiteru
look into my eyes kanashimi no
namida wo koete
yasashisa wo mitsuketa yo
kibou no oka ni soshite
sun will shine
boku ni wa boku ni natte yuku
meguru toki no naka de
my whishes come true
kimi ni ai ni yuku kara
... here there everywhere
------------------------------
English:
Tomorrow never knows
Whatever happens now
I hesitate to change inside
Swelling to both cross over and lose my way in the sky
With wings of order
Goodbye... Thank you......
A sudden feelings comes in myself
The future isn't so far, on this road
Sometime it is necessary
My dreams come true
Shining ritual
Look into my eyes
I leave behind
Tears of sadness
I have found gentleness
On the mount of hope, and then
Sun will shine
I become myself
Into the spinning time
My whishes come true
Because I go feel you
...Here there everywhere
...I feel...

the five pilots

ok.. I'm got bored~
sigh~ heero!! *glomps* duo is cool! YES, justice prevails! I agree! hmm.. ".... " hehe.. quatre! We should always help each other! ^.^

Duo Maxwell: I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie. That's me, duo maxwell! *grins*
>>an annoying guy: what they says. Talks non-stop, oversleeps, do silly things,the joker, swears alot and wear a waist length long braid. Extremely big appitite, sugar tongue.
>>wears:: black priest robe, a silver cross necklace, long braid. ^.^ Amethyst eyes.
Heero Yuy: hn. heero yuy.
>>emotionless and the perfect soldier, fixes dislocated joints O.O threatens with a gun, self detonate and suicial-maybe. says hn. very serious and doesn't laugh.
>>wears:: tank tops and spandex!? O.O again.. forever messy brown hair. Blue prussian eyes. arh.. was trained since very very young.
Trowa Barton: ... trowa barton...
>>clown in a circus, fearless, extremely quiet and thinks deeply. The tallest among them.
>>wears:: an anti-gravity unibang hair!? haha. Normal sleeve tops and loong pants. sometimes in 'clown' clothing. Emerald eyes.
Quatre R.Winner: I'm Quatre Rabberba Winner. *smiles & a handshake*
>>only son of winner family, very rich, ' environment friendly', soft hearted and kind. friendly and very concerned about others
>>wears:: sleeve shirt with vest. A body guard, Rashid. Short cut blond hair -he's from africa i think. eye colour forgot.
Chang Wufei: JUSTIC PREVAILS! MY NAME IS CHANG WUFEI.
>>rants about injustice-ness non stop, uses a katana, samurai style and also fights bare handed. Very strong pride and quite quiet too.
>>wears:: white china clothing -called what? comes from china. Shoulder length black hair tied into ponytail and black eyes.

Caged bird

I got the translation! I got the translation! *spins around* demo sa.. I don't really know what it means. Funny.. wonder if the translation is accurate or not. There it goes! ::
how high must i fly
until i cannot see you anymore?
if you fold one person
you can't know what will happen
i want to watch it forever
i will never be able to forget, so
there isn't even a way

i simply look up at the sky
like a small bird in my face
i searched for a window
i searched without a lead
i want to see you right away
because i love you
although i'm so scared i'll hurt you i want to run away
even if my wings are stolen
you will still be
the most important person

problems

No problem is difficult if it can be clearly defined,
Then the process to solve it can be designed.
Examine each assumption, put it to the test.
Keep refining till you find the solution that's the best.
---------------------------------------------------
If you have a problem to solve, you must first identify
The cause and not try to find reasons to justify
Who's to blame and why the problem exists.
It's a waste of time as the problem persists.
A problem isn't a problem unless there's a solution.
Otherwise you'll be dealing with an illusion
Of something you think is real, but is not there.
Dealing with illusions is the cause of fear.
So, if you have a problem to solve be sure,
You identify the cause and you'll find the cure.

mE, I, mIne

well.. i DO suffer from that!
Mission 1: Do not speak a word of I, me and mine.

Some people have an "I" disease an eye doctor can't fix.
That's so insidious, most don't know they're sick.
This disease can destroy meaningful communication,
So by default, many live in quiet desperation.
This "I" disease is an infection of spoken semantics
And you can tell who is infected by their rhetoric.
"I," "Me," and "Mine," are the viruses of the "I" disease.
In its supreme state puts everyone ill at ease.
There's a cure for those willing to pursue
The replacing the "I" term with the term "You."
For you'll find by focusing on the needs of another
You can make everyone feel like a sister or brother.

"shaking"

hahaa!! I just remembered something. Two occasions I remember my hands shaking slightly, especially the stupid right hand. bleh. once was when i'm eating out with both my parents and the other my mother only. Wonder why, is it.. self conscious or something..? hmm.. "SHAKING" hehee.. feel so dumb. I wonder if I do when my mother goes mad at times, guess i'll just blank out. hmm.. thats kinda dumb. One day i shall just scold her 'shen jin bing' calmly and walk out of the house instead of keeping quiet. bleh.

yume

think that life is nothing but a dream? people always says that 'life is short' but well, when one is alive, it seems all too long and too much pain. humans were born, creates things for their own ease, which in turn suffer from what they made in the first place. hmm.. when one dies, everything is over on earth for them. Things about them are forgotten, their wishes, dreams, hope, blah blah would have gone with them as well. "If there was such a thing as the so-called afterlife, why did people fight so hard to live? Why was the survival instinct ingrained so deeply into the human brain? Why did a drowning man fight for his very last breath if he knew that there was something better out there? Why bother? To it, the answer was simple. People struggled to stay alive because deep down they knew that there is no great reward after living. There’s just death. Cold, black and heartless death. No existence."Why then? I thought about that before, so far, i think i truely believed in christianality no matter how much i try to deny it. One thing, I AM afraid of death because I believe that there's a hell. And i know, i'm going hell if i would just drop dead now. All those stuff that i think, that I do.. unless well, I 'go back'. But then.. there are several things that's just hard to put down. Obsessions i'd say, real bad. nah.. but dying may be better, though i can't bear the thought to leave those unaccomplished things, and.. well, my friends and the idea of those 'people' finding out my secrets if i'm gone. hmm.. not that i'm suicidal now, heh. i'd be more of homoscidal if anyone would ask. And besides, 'i'm only happy when it rains~' I'd rather let myself drown in sorrow forever and suffer in mental pain than 'die' literally. ack. hmm.. not talking any sense here again. Always typing random thoughts. hehe.. nah.. boOring. Well.. bleh losing track of my existance hmm.. i live for my nakamas!! yay! urm.. *scampers away*

hmm...

just sitting at my computer once and again. I wonder if my sister is going to be home anytime soon. I was scanning through several other people's blog just now, sorta interested in their lives I guess. Sometimes I really wonder, their way of thinking and my way of thinking, which is actually the right one. Well, then again maybe. maybe there's no actual right or wrong, just like how kenshin said it. Right or wrong is just what a person or people 'socially accept'. And.. um. everyone should walk his own path and find out through their hearts, what is truely for them. Yet so.. don't know why, i'm always looking for right and wrong..maybe what i've believed till now is wrong? Hope not. Arh.. thinking about it, reading people's blogs are really hard! They start typing like.. "wateva, lyk, wun, tym, dun, de" ehh.. I mean, how do people survive that anyway? Weird i'd say. Weirder still, alot of them mention that 'got scolded, then cry, people console' blah blah, kinda stuff. Hmm.. do they cry this easily? hehe, I wonder if I do too! But.I seriously don't see myself crying everytime the teacher scolds. If this is so, then.. based on how much they do scold me i'd have already dried up. Oho. I'm getting biased here =P -sigh- wondering again, will I oneday be able walk up to those other people presenting my life of the 'trailer and friends' which is my yume and prove that my way of living is 'right-er' than theirs because I followed my heart? Nah.. what am I sounding like here, speaking like a r-o-b-o-t. *grins* demo sa~ tomodachi! nakama! They're still the best! who cares so much about other people I don't understand, who cares about other people who have a different way of thinking and living! So what if the whole world revolves around a small space of mine, i'll be and will be even happier than anyone else to explore it little by little with my friends! If you learn it too early, things getting boring, places gets even more booring. So there, friends prevails! Mwuahahaa... opps. i'm going insane. Hahaa.. *boof* by the way, what i'm saying also don't make much sense and i have no idea what i'm blabbering about here. What world is that anyway? XP Nah, thats life.. live it dazily. hehe.. ja ne! *retreats into the shadow* -screaming- "friends prevails!!!!! mwuahahha!!" ....

"what was that?"
"...what?..."
"that evil voice, did ya hear that? the laugh!"
"...go back to sleep already, baka" *grabs to bed*
"this is creepy..."
"..."
"..ohyasumi" *snuggles in*

dirt

!!! I didn't write these, i read them. These are only pieces of quotes or.. something else.
[heero's pov] --again..
When I was a little boy, I found a shiny plastic toy in the gutter. I kept it hidden in my small room, so no one would know. It was my treasure, my one and only possession in the world. It was the dearest thing to my young heart, and the only thing I loved about this world. It was just a cheap, discarded, used, toy. Just like me. And I loved it for it. I held it under my pillow as I slept and I played with it when no one could see. It made my fingers dirty but I didn’t care. I was filthy as it is.
They found it after a while, and they punished me for having it. They threw it away. I was not allowed to have such things. I was not allowed to keep my treasure. “It’s dirty!” They said. “Throw it away!” I didn’t want to, so they hit me. They hit me and then threw it away.
No one wants to keep dirt. Dirt is meant to be thrown away. Even if there’s something really shiny and nice under it. You can’t have dirt around you. You just can’t. It always gets thrown away. Just like me. I’m dirt. Soldier Dirt.

Blood is a lot like dirt. When it stains your clothes or your skin, it’s really hard to get rid of. When blood and dirt get mixed together, it’s a really bad thing. People get even angrier then. Dirt is not supposed to get blood on it. It’s trained so it will never have to be stained with blood. Dirt isn’t even supposed to have blood! And yet... when dirt bleeds... no one cares. They might get angry when it bleeds, but no one really cares. Why should they care? It’s only dirt. If dirt bleeds than it means that it’s injured. If it’s injured, it might die and then... then it will go away. No one likes dirt, so it’s better if it will just die and go away.
When dirt bleeds... everyone is happy because it means that it will go away. No one cares that even dirt feels pain. It’s not important because dirt is not important. Besides, it shouldn’t feel pain. Dirt is not allowed to feel. Dirt can’t feel, it’s just dirt. It’s just supposed to go away... it’s just supposed to get thrown away. When you shoot dirt... it bleeds and goes away. It’s the best way to get rid of dirt.
Dirt should bleed so it will go away. It’s the best way to get rid of dirt.

His hair is sometimes very dirty. It’s very long and pretty, but sometimes it gets too much dirt in it. Does that mean he likes dirt..? But no one likes dirt... I don’t like seeing him dirty... I don’t like dirt either. No one should like it. Not even dirt itself.
Will he wash the dirt away like he always does..? Will he wash it away and make his hair all pretty again? Will it shine like it always does..? Will it be clean of dust and blood and... dirt? Will he wash the dirt away?
I hate seeing him dirty. He shouldn’t be dirty. He just shouldn’t. He should always be clean and pretty and pure. He should wash the dirt away... he should...
But... but... if he washes the dirt away...
...Oh please don’t wash me away...

When dirt cries it gets wet and then it turns into mud. Mud gets stepped on... it’s even yuckier than dirt. It’s sticky and dirty and sometimes it’s really hard to get off your shoes. So dirt should stop crying. It should stop crying so it won’t get turned into mud. Dirt isn’t supposed to cry. Make it stop crying... make it stop... dirt shouldn’t cry... so it won’t get stepped on... it shouldn’t cry... Soldiers don’t cry...
Doesn’t dirt know that if it cries, it gets turned into mud? Make it stop! Stop crying Dirt! Stop crying! No one likes mud! No one should like it! It’s dirty, it’s ugly and it sticks to your shoes. “Don’t let mud into the house!” Mothers say. Even mothers don’t like mud. It makes their sons dirty. It makes their homes dirty. No one likes it... no one goes near it... no one likes mud...
Dirt shouldn’t cry so it won’t get turned into mud.

No one likes looking at dirt. It’s ugly. It’s stinky. It makes you want to look away. You don’t want to get near it. You want it to go away. People only want nice things around them. They don’t like looking at the ugly things. Even if they’re the ones who made the dirt, even if they’re the ones to create it, they don’t want to see it. They just want it to go away. No one cares if there’s something worthwhile under all the dirt. They don’t even bother to try and find out. No one likes to look at dirt, they prefer to look away.
When they look away from dirt, they want to see something nice. Something shiny and pure that makes them feel good and smile. They want to see things that are easier to look at. They want to see things that are nice enough to look at. They don’t want to see dirt. They just don’t. Maybe... maybe dirt doesn’t deserve to be looked at. Maybe it’s not meant to be seen at all. People shouldn’t look at dirt... dirt is not meant to be seen. They don’t look at it. They shouldn’t. They should look away. They always look away. Always.

Sometimes, it’s better for dirt to remain hidden down on the ground. It’s going to get stepped on anyway... so why bother to try and rise? Dirt’s place is down on the ground, where it is ignored, hated and stepped on. At least when dirt remains down on the ground, it doesn’t have to suffer the feeling of being pushed down there again. Sometimes it would be better if people would just step on it real hard and send it six feet under. There is no pain there and dirt can hide there forever. No one will have to look at it ever again.
There’s no use to try and rise. Hope was never meant for dirt. Dirt does not know the meaning of hope. It was crushed long ago; when it was sent down to spend its life in the gutter. It’s dry now, empty. Even grime is livelier than dirt is. Dirt doesn’t cry anymore, so it can’t be mud. It doesn’t try to rise and fly up, so it can’t be dust. It’s just dirt, shoved into the corner and ignored. Everything that it could have been was crushed and destroyed long ago. It’s just dirt now... sitting in the corner and waiting for life to pass by... you can’t hurt it anymore... it stopped caring. There no need for you to try and crush it, so don’t even try... it’s already crushed. Already dead. Stop looking at it like that... it won’t do you any good... it’s already dead... dead... dirt is dead.
...so why do you look at me like that..? Please stop... I don’t want to be seen... I can’t be seen! It hurts! I will not rise and I will not fly! I will not be crushed again! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!!

Caged bird

currently playing this song... caged bird fromD.N angel again! *grins* that does it! haha.. i have no translation for the song though. bleh.
Caged Bird
Japanese:
takaku dono kurai tonde ittara
haruka tooku no kimi ga mienakunaru no?
hitomi soraseba raku ni naru no kamoshirenai
demo itsumo doko ka de mitsumete itai
wasureru koto nante deki wa shinai kara
nasu subomonaku sora wo miageteru dake
maru de kago no naka no chiisana tori no youni
mado wo sagashite atemonaku samayotte iru
ima sugi ni aitai kimi ga suki dakara
kitzuzuku koto ga kowakute nigetai kedo
mienai shigarami ni tsubasa tora waretemo
sore demo kimi wa kanashii hodo taisetsuna hito

Rakuen

argh.. forgot to post the lyric when this song is up. Shall put it here anyway.
rakuen ~fanatic~ Krad's theme
Japanese:
kimi wo wana ni kakemashou mado no nai heya de
boku wo tsumi ni sosemashou shikou no jiai de
kairaka no yaerade
tsubasa wo kiri sute
mi mo kokoro mo tokeaeru towa ni naru rakuen
otori kue soshite kuroi namida wo nagase
aa ... kirei...
yorokobi todokeyou
kanbi na itami de
saketa hane shiki tsumede kimi wo kotae yo
itoshisugiru sugata ima juujirou wo kirou
toki hanase ba ii afuredeshisou na yokubou
sono toki ni hajimeta shuku kin no kagayai ga naru
aa... kirei...
------------------------------------------------------

English:
We're going to write your ambition in a room with no windows
I'm going to paint the crime of love's high stag
Recovering that sword from paradise
The wings are cut and thrown away
The soul and the heart will also meet and will become the enternity of paradise
Dance frantically and black tears will run down
Ah... it's beautiful
We're going to reach the pleasure
What is sweet also hurts
Avoid those wings in the threshold to lie down
Now for a beloved figure
It's ok if to be happy, you have to overflow , and extract the desire
In that moment since we started to pray at that bell which gives that sound
Ah... it's beautiful

random midnights

hmm.. just read my friend's diary. talking about the injustice of being accused or something. Well, guess it's true lar. Because you talk, that's why there's a reason for people to say something about it. But if you keep quiet, well, i mean don't say much then naturally people won't bother about you. Hmm.. but it's not too good, i think, talking more is better. Well.. woa. There! girls making out in the classroom. Hahaa! Cool huh? But i'd prefer yaoi! bleh.how do they do that huh? hahaaa.. behind the curtains..? don't tell me they just *swip* the dirty smelly curtain in front of them! Thats kinda weird isn't it? the what's the use of a cover if it's going to be this obvious that 'heads are poping out' from it? hahaa... stupid lar. hmm.. let me see.. the last time i kissed someone was when i was like six? of five. mothers day. and our teachersasked us to give 'mothers' a kiss. I told my mother about it lar and well.. sigh~ i remember that i didn't want to cause it's bleh and dumb but did it anyway. SMELLY. hahaa.. i'm eating trix now. the multi-coloured-sweetened-fruits cerealmeal. It's raining again now, second time today already. love the rain~ but then again no one's going to play with me in the rain! all alone~ so alone~! hee..it's midnight now actually, just writing it out and i'll type in tomorrow. filling the page.. dumm.. my handwriting is sooo messy! hope i could read it tomorrow. nah! *YAWN* got to sleep already.. liao. goodnight, paper and.. pen. see you tomorrow, computer, hopefully. hello bed. and lastly, bye lovely rain *grins* water the plants well okie? *wink* --guess i'm just mad.

hello?

ohhh since when do i type like that? talking to myself. hmm.. hehe. so stupid. its... well, early now.very. hmm.. boring boring tired tired. listening to the music now. oh ya! I was supposed to change music! oh well.. sigh. hha! my mother trying to get me off the computer. Well, that does actually make me want to 'stick' to it more. not especially when she put THAT face. darn her. blehh. I shall grab some snacks later. sigh. oh yea, did a lot of mining today and well chat-ed a lot too. Cause i'm tired and bored and having backache so i just started talking to people i don't even know. some are weird, keep begging for people to give them stuff though they can earn on their own. hah. wait a long time. then i was screaming away "who wants iron!!!" when finally no one answers me. hmph. lalaaa~ oooo and in return i got two new friends! yay! one of them is well.. interesting I'd say. he/she is 18 and studies history, lives in romania? *grins* haha.. don't know where exactly is that though. he/she said that studies there are hard.. well maybe not, i think, since singapore alone has 'intense' education system. Hmm.. the other one wasn't much, its a she i think. But her nick wonder... reminds of my another friend of mine. hehe.. the feeling i get when i see the nick. And there's some people at the mining site shouting joooooood!! Thats other language lar, but someone else told me it means noobie or something like that. so there, i learnt a new word! ^.^ lalaa~ argh. seemed like my entire day evolved around this. hmm.. heee.. nah! hope my mother doesn't come out anytime soon. bleh. she's mad at night. tomorrow is another day! Hmm..wednesday. anything special.. nope. awww.. just another day. got to bathe soon already. hm. no one online.. well, sigh~ booring. so there, ja. going to sleep soon already..

sleep

the more special way to sleep! haha!
[opens curtain....]
"heya!"
"tired.."
"why?"
"just done lots of mining"
"ooohhh you've been playing runescape again!"
"so?"
"wasting time! it's sleeping time now"
"nah.."
"yea. sleep time!"
"..."
"come on! gooood night!!" *grins*
*sweatdrop*
"wanna be tuck you in?" *grins*
O.O "NO. DON'T TRY THAT"
"fine fine! then..sleep!"
"yea, you wish"
"hidoi ne! sleeeeeppp-tiiimeee"
"shut up"
"awww"
"..."
*pouts*
"like you say.." *takes gun*
O.O "WHAT?"
*evil smirk*
"... ..."
*bang!*
"yea. sleep time now. goodnight forever"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
[close curtain]

*boof*

-sigh- hn. gave that stupid julia a call just now and ask her if she want to check out the holding school with me anytime so that we would know where to get down at the bus stop. And to think she said 'NO'! hmph. hmph. stupid. bleh. wanted to go with her parents. and i've asked her since a long time ago! and i know the reason she doesn't want to go is-hmm.. nah.. i shan't assume anyway. FINE. So no one's going to go with me, i shall go by myself then! Stupid julia. I shan't ask her out anymore! Always like that! well.. *BOOF*

angel's or dEvils

"Angels Or Devils"
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
this is the last time - I will fall
into a place that fails us all - inside
I can see the pain in you
I can see the love in you
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold
this is the last time
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see
still I can see the pain in you
and I can see the love in you
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time
the angels they burn inside for us
are we ever
are we ever gonna learn to fly
the devils they burn inside of us
are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us
if I was to give in - give it up
- and then
take a breath - make it deep
cause it might be the last one you get
be the last one
that could make us cold
you know that they could make us cold
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold

candles

"what are candles?"
"candles are my friends, that goes.. wheee and wheeze out"
"huh?"
"sorry. that was my own language"
"oh."
"below is nyx and maia's diary address"
"why there?"
"tried putting it on my layout but it doesn't work."
"oh."
"you're full of questions, baka."
"wha- ba..baga?"
"argh. forget it"
"why?"
"nevermind"
"huh? whats wrong?"
"just shut up okayy?"
"oh. I'll try my best to"
"..."
"hmm..i'm trying to"
"... ..."
"this is hard. i'm trying to keep quiet here!"
".... .... ...." *fume*
"what? eeks! there's a fireeee!! heelpppp!"
"my.. just.shut up will you?"
"..."
"hn."
"oka-okay! fine! just stop glaring at me!"
*smirk*

grieverleon.diaryland.com [nyx's]
jadesakura.diaryland.com [maia's]

another..

nah.. went over to the nearby 'festival market' earlier with my parents. So much for it's name -sigh- it's kind of weird. So quiet. no one's talking, and once in a while there's me trying to ask my mother something only finally i decided not to. but anyway, walking out is better than staying at home all day to rot right? Yea.. the routine is slowly eating me inside so I should get out something different soon. Stupid woman and she keep asking me whether i want to buy this to eat, that to eat though obviously my answer is either 'anything' or 'if you buy i'll eat, if not then not' . That's what i've been repeating over sooo long. listening to d.n.angel's michishirube now. I'm going to upload it!!! *grins* songss!! tomorrow is monday.yea. another day! I shall get myself alive and kicking again! First.. hm..hmm..hmm. clean my f opps utterly terribly dirty and messy room! =P stupid duo. influencing me with his swearings. hehe. done! is it alittle short? hmm.. i shall add some quotes then. Arh... i like the first poem alot. read it!

Everyone is lovable no matter what's believed,
Although with some it seems it can't be achieved.
Everyone is born lovable and little by little
Their love is battered and becomes brittle
And gets harder to get to the core
And to find it seems like an impossible chore.
Yet, it can be unlocked by unconditional love
As ice is melted by the sun from above.
So the next time you find a love that's ice cold.
Send love and over time it'll blossom and enfold.

People are to be loved, things are to be used.
Instead of things being loved and people abused.
What would life be if we loved one another?
Would things be valued over a sister or brother?
Would war exist where destruction is the rule?
Would people treat others in ways that are cruel?
What would the world be like if we lived the Master's Plan,
Would we love others first and make things the also-ran?

fruits basket

I just bought the fruits basket book 3 manga, finally. Reading through a few chapter. oOOO! Discovered something between shigure and akito! They didn't say much, but.. from what is there.. seems that, shigure's plotting something. Maybe with akito. some stuff, he's a sadist? No idea. Since i misses quite alot of the series. well.. think that. um. they are 'together' in that sense. It's weird, wanna find out more! poor akito. *sob* aha! and on this book 3 they have kyo as the cover! Yay.. i like kyo! at first i like yuki cause of his past. well then i like kyo too! seem that everyone in the sohma family has a past anyway. 'white' haru is cool, and.. so.. he's in a daze while he's white haru! Thats.. *grin* The series didn't look too much into everyone's past, they should build the characters more. But then.. maybe there's a part two since it ended abruptly. Well.. maybe I should continue reading.. i shall change song soon. have alot more waiting to be put up!

dumm

listening to various music now. aha. changed my song again, =P and I thought I just changed the song yesterday or so. hmm.. now playing: [ Rakuen ~fanatic~ Krad's theme ]. Arh.. creepy. hehe. Anyway, I think Krad's a little mad, probably because he wanted to destroy dark too much. >o< [ I'M GOING TO KILL THEM! BECAUSE OF AN ERROR THEY DELETED ALL THE LONG TEXT BETWEEN HERE. TEMEE I'M NOT RETYPING] I've put up raison detre and this song on angelfire click here to download it.. well..if anyone EVER bothers. *grin* GOKU.

d.n.angel

Arhh.. I took this from the anime d.n. angel. That's around episode 24 or somthing. The story of ice and snow. Hehe.. and I really like the song too! I shall put it up later. D.N.angel have nicesongs =D

No matter what happens,
Don't let go of the person important to you.
Don't choose death in order to protect her
No matter what happens,
Choose to live to protect her.

blank

I only post nonsense. And nonsense shall I post.

trailer

about nine to eleven more years.. till the day. I hope the yume will not get blown out. There's me, nyx, kumo, maia, neko, natsuko. Six people, wonder who's staying and who's not. It isn't far, yet neither near as well. just waiting for the day, perhaps I should go create the day instead. Will one of us get tired of these 'lil games' in their eyes? It's not just a plain.yume. I've calculated my stuff and it's achievable. As long as I can get a job with minimal a k $$. I think.. everyone's got their mask up. What happens when we have to live together? Will it be better.. or just a 'collapse'. No idea, that could wait till the results and we'll see. bOring. life. but.. a human gets bored easily. even if we were to stay in the trailer for so long-adventurous. One day it might just die down. Well, but there're still many ways to 'curb' it. who cares so much. just thinking randomly. 40k. only 40k. cheaper than a 600k singaporean flat.

tourniquet

!!I did not write this, I read it. Depression and stuff. Put it here for fun for once. don't take it to heart.

[heero pov]
Thinking to myself, I wonder what if I was dead? The meaning of life, don't you think it has to be death? I can feel the tears bunch up in my eyes, but I push what I can away and try and empty my head. All I ever wanted was to know that you repeated my feelings. But . . . I suppose luck really is a rare thing. Or maybe everyone is given a jar full of it, and some spend it too fast, before they really need it, you know? My arm is burning again, a feeling I often get when I feel the need to cut myself. It's not that I feel it gives me a feeling of hurting those who have hurt me, just a feeling that at least I have power over something. And why shouldn't I have power over my own death? I have power over everything else I do in life. Besides, the Blade feels good on my skin.
Pulling the meat knife out from under my mattress I ran it over my cheek, than down my shoulder to dig a deep line down the lower half of my arm. Frowning at the pain I felt I stared down at the blood that was now dripping off of my arm on to the bed. Why am I so weak? In any and all ways, why am I so weak?
I hate myself for being so weak. And I hate everyone else for being so strong, in everyway, I hate them. Except you, for whatever strange reason I praise you. But I hurt you at the same time I know it. And I want to die. I want to die right know as I think. Tons of ways I could kill myself run through my head, only a few am I actually able to pull off with what I have. I know you're just as depressed as me, and I couldn't count how many times I've thought of us killing ourselves together. I wonder if that would disgust you, that I would want something so personal from you.
I wonder if you even think of me unless I'm standing there right in front of you. I’d like to think you do, but a voice in my head reminds me you wouldn’t, someone as strong as you wouldn’t want to be thinking of me.
I've tried to be strong though, but I seem to fail miserably each time, you know?
Maybe it's because I have such strong trust issues. But trust is a fragile thing, hard enough to make, most likely broken many times in the process, and even harder to maintain. But I've tried to let people, haven't I? They just tend not to put it back together once broken a few times. But what kind of a life is it, if it has no pain, and what kind of life is it when you have no comfort. Joy is a rare coin, a coin that seems to have become brittle and cracked. I wonder will we find the coin, walking up to it, but when we reach for it, will it shatter?
Has my mind shattered? Have I finally pushed myself too far? I know I've always tried so hard to be good enough for people to be able to say that I was good at something. And yet when I look at something I’ve done I know it’s crap, but someone else might see it and say it’s wonderful, but that just seems to hurt me more. Especially when you say it to me.
And I lie, I lie straight to your face, I lie to myself, lie to everyone around me. And I hurt myself even more. Maybe if I just stop stop everything I do, I won't hurt anymore. No, because the past will become my future. Living in the past hurts, living in the future is even more painful, because you don't know, and living in the present, is sad, seeing everything going on around you, and never taking any of it in.
My arm is stinging, burning in a way, I want to find a rope and hang myself. I want you to notice. But at the same time I want you to look away.
I can’t handle people caring so much about me I can’t handle them wanting to help me, being so nice. I always end up pushing them away, hurting them so as to stop me from hurting myself more. But that never works just adds more pain, knowing I did that hurt you and myself. But I've tried so hard not to hurt you like that, years it's lasted, but I'm becoming paranoid, I'm becoming scared. I can't handle all of this and everything is becoming static in my mind. I suppose I should go to the bathroom and tend to my arm, but I don't feel like it right now. The blood has already seep under my body, through the blankets.
It's strange to see your own blood, there's so much. Who would have known I could bleed so much? This is the deepest cut I've ever done. Do you suppose that maybe I really will die now? You asked me something today, saying I looked depressed. Were you worried, I wonder? Scared maybe? I lied to you saying I was just tired. I wonder if tomorrow, if I'm Not there at school with you, will you be sad? I don't want to hurt you, I really don't, but I suppose that's inevitable now, isn't it.
I'm tired now, I think I'll sleep. Yeah, sleep sounds good.
Did you know? Blood is warm, funny, huh?

mother

short and plump
but strong on the hunt
bickers and yells
insanity of the mind
drowning into self apathy
growing fangs and claws
clutching onto her pups
sinking teeth, drawing blood
and devouring the delicacies
leaving as steady n' calm

...

oh well.. { now playing:: raison detre :: by dir en~grey } I placed the lyrics somewhere earlier. hmm.. under random stuff I think. Bored of 'solitude' already. It's 10 at night already, wonder.. maybe I shall sleep earlier today since my mother is complaining of me staying up late. gee.. not that I bother anyway. Hmm.. trying to think of a new msn nickname now. hmmumm.. ack. can't think of one! sigh~ whyy? really can't think now. shall go wash my face and hair- time.. 10:10p.m

garbage

Arh.. I just.. saw the song lyric again. my friend put it on her diary! *glomps tomodachi* I shall too!

I'm only happy when it rains

I'm only happy when it rains
I’m only happy when it’s complicated
And though I know you can’t appreciate it
I’m only happy when it rains

You know I love it when the news is bad
And why it feels so good to feel so sad
I’m only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me
Pour your misery down, pour your misery down on me

I’m only happy when it rains
I feel good when things are going wrong
I only listen to the sad, sad songs
I’m only happy when it rains

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains

You’ll get the message by the time I’m through
When I complain about me and you
I’m only happy when it rains

Pour your misery down, pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me pour your misery down
Pour your misery down pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me pour your misery down
Pour your misery down pour your misery down
Pour your misery down on me pour your misery down
Pour your misery down

You can keep me company
As long as you don’t care

I’m only happy when it rains
You wanna hear about my new obsession?
I’m riding high upon a deep depression
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me

I’m only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me
I’m only happy when it rains
Pour some misery down on me

mumbles

oh yeah, I'm back at the same page again trying to type though there's nothing to say about. I'm just sitting at the computer for 9 hours straight, unhealthy eh? But hey, there's no reason why this is unhealthy also. sigh~ I'm listening to niji now. It's rurouni kenshin's ova song. Kind of nice, I liked that one aaalooot! haha. Arh.. christmas is coming soon, not that it matters much. It just reminds me of snow and winter stuff, well.. christmas is supposed to be christ's birth. Hmm.. my brain is dying on me here, 'suddenly' dying..dying.. cannot think. =P hah. guilty.guilty. my homework, supposed to have finished them by now but it looks like i'm still far from it. stupid art! ack.sigh~ everything from my computer erased, all my hard research gone, gone.gone. got to search again! *panic but body don't react* hehe.. any adrenaline booster? I need a fill.

random

hmm.. listening to raison detre by dir en grey now. It isn't such a great song though, I've grown to like it from excessive listening. hehe.. my parents just got some junks off their backs in the early afternoon. Nothing much interesting but at least that cleared my room of another space. Should I put up the lyrics for the song here? I'ts kind of no meaning, at least I think so and I don't really like the lyrics much. Nah, perhaps it is because I couldn't understand it.. anyway here:

I loved you too much, the myself of that time will forever stay thus
But I got bored of seeing you, I've someone else in my arms
Soon I won't love you anymore, my hatred increases
I'm going to want to hit and destroy you, do you like my selfishness ?
I searched quite more than words
I searched only your body
A Pierrot just alone lying in front of the mirror
Goes slowly near to me
Who can makes you suffering, I or she ?
Alone, I whisper
I hurt you when you noticed that
With me we didn't understand each other
A Pierrot just alone lying in front of the mirror
Goes slowly near to me
Who can makes you suffering, I or she ?
Alone, I whisper
Finally you suffer so much that your spirit is going away from your body
In front of my eyes you're yelling of laugh, looking at a red razor

Does anyone bother looking? Well, it's a saturday afternoon and i'm just sitting around at the computer again-again. I was trying to make my friend's website into another layout just now. Gck. Without frontpage.. things are just so hard. Sigh~ now it's hanging halfway waiting to be finished up. Kind of tired now. oh yea.. haha! I think my mother was talking some dirty stuff on the phone just now, so.. argh. gross disgusting-utterly so. I had to mute her voice using music. heh. Wonder if they are going out later, just.. hopefully so. Sigh~ no frontpage! I wanna edit the tag-board. Can't.cannot. Wanna edit, edit, edit. *boof!* irritating. Shall go and do other stuff now. ja.

friendship

If you want to know if you're a true friend,

This is the test.

A true friend helps in adversity

Without a need of a request.

True friends are sensitive to one another.

True friends are closer than a blood brother.

True friends help without an expectation of gain

And are always willing to help others who are in pain.

------------------------------------------------------------

You're rich if you have a true friend,

For a true friend is life's greatest dividend.

A true friend accepts you as you are.

A true friend makes you feel like a star.

A true friend stands by you till the end.

Life's greatest prize is a true friend

bOring!

tehee.. and so.. life is just like that- boring. It's three in the morning already and I'm just still sitting at my computer trying to do something worthy only to end up posting so many 'post' in a day and gawking at my own blog cause i have no idea how that 'html' works and like the simple layout/template anyway. Just another of my days have passed by.. My msn nickname is now [ "when will the light cease?" "it always had" .soaked in eternity of darkness clothed of fresh blood and pain. ] trying to get the word gory after blood just now but my friend went.. you bian tai!! well so I had to change a little. It sounds the same though. *grins* Wonder how I start doing that, must have been some influence my other friend-s. Eh.. friend-_ lar. Sigh~ booring booOring! hahaa.. listening to 'solitude' over and over again. When will the angelfire bandwidth be used up? *shrugs* oh yea, went to neko's house yesterday with another friend of mine. Was supposingly to meet her at 11 but i was late for urm.. thirty minutes+? Hehee.. that's my second time being late for soooo long! All because I calculated the 'packing' time wrongly and blabbered too much on the msn before getting ready. Think we spent most of the time in the room watching some vcd and playing stupid stuf- well not exacted what was meant.. UNO and that truth or dare thingy. Truth of dare well.. wasn't too fun I think cause we didn't come up with HENTAI stuff!! >o< *evill grin* urhem. So as I was saying, ehehe.. no hentai stuff. Awww.. the next time you'll see. Heh.. i shall come up with the most stuff you can ever imagine! Well.. maybe not. Play nice =) If only hana's time wasn't opp one hour behind time, she'll be back by now! It's 3+ already. Blame it on the most wonderful and desired nature's course of daylight hours I guess. Don't know much about this time difference thing. Well oh yea! Just before this.. *points up* nickname of mine is this : [ with the world is always this taciturnity.locking myself in forbidden eternity of darkness.dirt just shouldn't be seen] The dirt part was just well. taken from a fic I read. It was incomplete though, the author don't intend to continue it. Before I go, let me just put some quotes I found here *wink* I hope it can be understood. Though, the last purple quote, I don't understand it very well. Is someone going to explain it to me? *smiles*

It has been said that he who retires to solitude is either a beast or an angel; the censure is too severe, and the praise unmerited: the discontented being, who retires from society, is generally some good natured man, who has begun his life without experience, and knew not how to gain it in his intercourse with mankind. = Oliver Goldsmith (1728 - 74) English poet, dramatist & novelist

One can never be the judge of another's grief. That which is a sorrow to one, to another is joy. Let us not dispute with any one concerning the reality of his sufferings; it is with sorrows as with countries each man has his own. = Francois Rene Chateaubriand (17681848) French author& statesman

Believe me, every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and oftentimes we call a man cold when he is only sad. = Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 82) American poet

It is the veiled angel of sorrow who plucks away one thing and another that bound us here in ease and security, and, in the vanishing of these dear objects, indicates the true home of our affections and our peace. = Edwin Hubbell Chapin (1814 - 80) American Unitarian clergy

Everyone that flatters thee Is no friend in misery. Words are easy, like the wind,Faithful friends are hard to find. =Richard Barnfield

It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship. Henry Ward Beecher

Real loneliness consists not in being alone, but in being with the wrong person, in the suffocating darkness of a room in which no deep communication is possible. Sydney J. Harris

sigh

just changed the music.. hmm.. see? music alone affects my emotions. why do i have to do this anyway? Shall look for some utterly depressing fics to read later. Depressing and more depressing. Like always. hmm.. sigh obsessionz! I want my naruto back! but couldn't download it anymore! NO IDEA!bittorrent is just suddenly not working for me. or my comp. And I took like.. over days and days that time to download all! Nah. .forget it. forget all about animes! sigh. just think that.. well everyone's family arg.. home is better than mine. At least they talk and do stuff. I don't talk to anyone at all. maybe my mother, a few sentences and i can't wait to shut her up. Today was like sitting with her at the bus stop and since i sat on the right and she's facing right, keep feeling that she's looking at me- well observing. It's kinda stupid. gck dumb. julia aways does that too when she thinks i'm angry or whatsoever. But.. just don't like people doing it. someone scanning your face or posture for something. bleh. it's not like i have anything on my face since.. i think that most of the time i have a blank face. See? just how selfish I AM. Blabbering non-stop about MYSELF. and thats the only thing I can do in this stupid blog. Ack. went off the line.. what was i typing about earlier? oh yea.. family.... home.. dum..dum.. nothing to say. forget it then. know.. reading fics 'hurt' well.. mine do. back to the topic. it's best when i really can feel the pain i think. Well.. like i always do. guess it's called masochism. but hey.. i thought i was sadistic? heh. oh well, then so be it. THIS IS MAD! darn. can't be. i go berserk a moment and the next time everything's fine and okay. nothing is wrong at all in the beginning so it's all an illusion huh? hmm.. sigh~ i'm just a ehehe.. SELFISH brat. hmm.. this is bad.. it is. chk. sigh.. nah.. time for fics! hehee! bye! bye talking to myself! bye everything!

darn..

it's getting irritating and i have absolutely no idea why i'm creating this again. ok, after everything is erased from my computer, depriving my of the least music and frontpage to do any html thing. Don't even know what i'm doing now and i'm dumb. typing in a thing with black background and black font cause that's to my feelings now. eh.. feelings? no. don't know what it is. Darn. Can't swear! It's not good.. but then.. feeling are stupid, just go to hell with it! Sigh~ Listening to some music now. Went out to buy school shoes and eat earlier on, chk. and I realise my hand is like shivering slightly. no idea. no idea. everything's stupid now. plain. stupid stupid stupid. chk. just.. sigh~ holidayz~ stupid holidays. no-thing to do. rot and rot. school. shit. people always looking for me- trouble. nah! Must've been in the wrong mind now. so there, shall stop this- urhem.. stupid thing... plain.stupid.stupid.hell lar chk

nothing

why do i have to do this?