dirt

!!! I didn't write these, i read them. These are only pieces of quotes or.. something else.
[heero's pov] --again..
When I was a little boy, I found a shiny plastic toy in the gutter. I kept it hidden in my small room, so no one would know. It was my treasure, my one and only possession in the world. It was the dearest thing to my young heart, and the only thing I loved about this world. It was just a cheap, discarded, used, toy. Just like me. And I loved it for it. I held it under my pillow as I slept and I played with it when no one could see. It made my fingers dirty but I didn’t care. I was filthy as it is.
They found it after a while, and they punished me for having it. They threw it away. I was not allowed to have such things. I was not allowed to keep my treasure. “It’s dirty!” They said. “Throw it away!” I didn’t want to, so they hit me. They hit me and then threw it away.
No one wants to keep dirt. Dirt is meant to be thrown away. Even if there’s something really shiny and nice under it. You can’t have dirt around you. You just can’t. It always gets thrown away. Just like me. I’m dirt. Soldier Dirt.

Blood is a lot like dirt. When it stains your clothes or your skin, it’s really hard to get rid of. When blood and dirt get mixed together, it’s a really bad thing. People get even angrier then. Dirt is not supposed to get blood on it. It’s trained so it will never have to be stained with blood. Dirt isn’t even supposed to have blood! And yet... when dirt bleeds... no one cares. They might get angry when it bleeds, but no one really cares. Why should they care? It’s only dirt. If dirt bleeds than it means that it’s injured. If it’s injured, it might die and then... then it will go away. No one likes dirt, so it’s better if it will just die and go away.
When dirt bleeds... everyone is happy because it means that it will go away. No one cares that even dirt feels pain. It’s not important because dirt is not important. Besides, it shouldn’t feel pain. Dirt is not allowed to feel. Dirt can’t feel, it’s just dirt. It’s just supposed to go away... it’s just supposed to get thrown away. When you shoot dirt... it bleeds and goes away. It’s the best way to get rid of dirt.
Dirt should bleed so it will go away. It’s the best way to get rid of dirt.

His hair is sometimes very dirty. It’s very long and pretty, but sometimes it gets too much dirt in it. Does that mean he likes dirt..? But no one likes dirt... I don’t like seeing him dirty... I don’t like dirt either. No one should like it. Not even dirt itself.
Will he wash the dirt away like he always does..? Will he wash it away and make his hair all pretty again? Will it shine like it always does..? Will it be clean of dust and blood and... dirt? Will he wash the dirt away?
I hate seeing him dirty. He shouldn’t be dirty. He just shouldn’t. He should always be clean and pretty and pure. He should wash the dirt away... he should...
But... but... if he washes the dirt away...
...Oh please don’t wash me away...

When dirt cries it gets wet and then it turns into mud. Mud gets stepped on... it’s even yuckier than dirt. It’s sticky and dirty and sometimes it’s really hard to get off your shoes. So dirt should stop crying. It should stop crying so it won’t get turned into mud. Dirt isn’t supposed to cry. Make it stop crying... make it stop... dirt shouldn’t cry... so it won’t get stepped on... it shouldn’t cry... Soldiers don’t cry...
Doesn’t dirt know that if it cries, it gets turned into mud? Make it stop! Stop crying Dirt! Stop crying! No one likes mud! No one should like it! It’s dirty, it’s ugly and it sticks to your shoes. “Don’t let mud into the house!” Mothers say. Even mothers don’t like mud. It makes their sons dirty. It makes their homes dirty. No one likes it... no one goes near it... no one likes mud...
Dirt shouldn’t cry so it won’t get turned into mud.

No one likes looking at dirt. It’s ugly. It’s stinky. It makes you want to look away. You don’t want to get near it. You want it to go away. People only want nice things around them. They don’t like looking at the ugly things. Even if they’re the ones who made the dirt, even if they’re the ones to create it, they don’t want to see it. They just want it to go away. No one cares if there’s something worthwhile under all the dirt. They don’t even bother to try and find out. No one likes to look at dirt, they prefer to look away.
When they look away from dirt, they want to see something nice. Something shiny and pure that makes them feel good and smile. They want to see things that are easier to look at. They want to see things that are nice enough to look at. They don’t want to see dirt. They just don’t. Maybe... maybe dirt doesn’t deserve to be looked at. Maybe it’s not meant to be seen at all. People shouldn’t look at dirt... dirt is not meant to be seen. They don’t look at it. They shouldn’t. They should look away. They always look away. Always.

Sometimes, it’s better for dirt to remain hidden down on the ground. It’s going to get stepped on anyway... so why bother to try and rise? Dirt’s place is down on the ground, where it is ignored, hated and stepped on. At least when dirt remains down on the ground, it doesn’t have to suffer the feeling of being pushed down there again. Sometimes it would be better if people would just step on it real hard and send it six feet under. There is no pain there and dirt can hide there forever. No one will have to look at it ever again.
There’s no use to try and rise. Hope was never meant for dirt. Dirt does not know the meaning of hope. It was crushed long ago; when it was sent down to spend its life in the gutter. It’s dry now, empty. Even grime is livelier than dirt is. Dirt doesn’t cry anymore, so it can’t be mud. It doesn’t try to rise and fly up, so it can’t be dust. It’s just dirt, shoved into the corner and ignored. Everything that it could have been was crushed and destroyed long ago. It’s just dirt now... sitting in the corner and waiting for life to pass by... you can’t hurt it anymore... it stopped caring. There no need for you to try and crush it, so don’t even try... it’s already crushed. Already dead. Stop looking at it like that... it won’t do you any good... it’s already dead... dead... dirt is dead.
...so why do you look at me like that..? Please stop... I don’t want to be seen... I can’t be seen! It hurts! I will not rise and I will not fly! I will not be crushed again! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!!