sigh

just changed the music.. hmm.. see? music alone affects my emotions. why do i have to do this anyway? Shall look for some utterly depressing fics to read later. Depressing and more depressing. Like always. hmm.. sigh obsessionz! I want my naruto back! but couldn't download it anymore! NO IDEA!bittorrent is just suddenly not working for me. or my comp. And I took like.. over days and days that time to download all! Nah. .forget it. forget all about animes! sigh. just think that.. well everyone's family arg.. home is better than mine. At least they talk and do stuff. I don't talk to anyone at all. maybe my mother, a few sentences and i can't wait to shut her up. Today was like sitting with her at the bus stop and since i sat on the right and she's facing right, keep feeling that she's looking at me- well observing. It's kinda stupid. gck dumb. julia aways does that too when she thinks i'm angry or whatsoever. But.. just don't like people doing it. someone scanning your face or posture for something. bleh. it's not like i have anything on my face since.. i think that most of the time i have a blank face. See? just how selfish I AM. Blabbering non-stop about MYSELF. and thats the only thing I can do in this stupid blog. Ack. went off the line.. what was i typing about earlier? oh yea.. family.... home.. dum..dum.. nothing to say. forget it then. know.. reading fics 'hurt' well.. mine do. back to the topic. it's best when i really can feel the pain i think. Well.. like i always do. guess it's called masochism. but hey.. i thought i was sadistic? heh. oh well, then so be it. THIS IS MAD! darn. can't be. i go berserk a moment and the next time everything's fine and okay. nothing is wrong at all in the beginning so it's all an illusion huh? hmm.. sigh~ i'm just a ehehe.. SELFISH brat. hmm.. this is bad.. it is. chk. sigh.. nah.. time for fics! hehee! bye! bye talking to myself! bye everything!